keep in touch with friends

I’m really improving in this area. It takes some guts, but I managed to take initiative more often recently and ask people to eat together or to make other kinds of appointments. Everybody responds positively of course, I really don’t have to be scared about this… I even did this with several people I don’t know so well yet, and I felt really proud of myself afterwards.

I met J for coffee this week and we had a lovely long talk. And I met R on the train by coincidence, had a nice talk, and we made a dinner+music appointment.

So that’s 2 down. As for the list: I wrote down 36 people so far. Some are more important than others, some I want to have lots of contact with, while with others maybe one tea date will be enough. But it’s a start!

Next step: email or call the people on the list that are either the most important to get in touch with or the ones that I have been out of touch with the longest.

In the meantime I left my choir, so I’m “on my own” now. So far I haven’t done too well with the keeping in touch. My plan now is first to make a list of the people (choir people and other) that I want to keep in touch with. Then I will email or call them all to see how they are doing and if they would like to get together.

Although I still have a bit of phone anxiety, I have made lots of tea, lunch and dinner dates over the last few months, most of them by email or text message. This week I’ve got lots of things planned: I had a dinner date today, tomorrow I’ve got a tea date and another friend coming over in the evening, and on Sunday I’ve got plans with another friend. Two of these appointments were initiated by me, two by others. Good score so far :)

I sent out two emails to friends to set a date to get together for a cup of tea. Friend 1 already emailed back and we set a date.

Also I asked my sister to go to a musical with me, and she really liked the plan, so we immediately got tickets.

Today I chatted on MSN with a friend that I don’t see often at all. Usually our gettogethers get initiated by her, but this time at the end of the conversation I suggested that we make some plans to see each other again soon. We haven’t actually picked a date yet, but we will soon, and I’m glad I didn’t wait for her to suggest something this time :)

I added this goal because I need to “practise” keeping in touch with my friends and filling my social calendar on my own. For the past 10 years I have completely depended on the choir I’m in, which means that I get to see probably 85% of my friends automatically once a week. But I will be quitting the choir this year or the next, so I need to be able to stay in touch with them on my own. And there’s also the other 15% that are in danger of drifting away.

The problem is that I’m a bit scared of taking the initiative to call or mail people. I guess I’m scared of rejection, even by my closest friends. So I’m going to practise this, because I need the reassurance of knowing I can do this by myself, before I quit the choir. Kind of like a safety net.

First success: today I asked a friend (in person) if he would like to go to the theater with me, and he was enthusiastic and we immediately set a date!

I don’t know what subgoals I’ll set yet, but for now this entry will do.