go to college

Since I left school in March, I’ve joined a (mostly) student cooperative community in hopes of re-orienting myself toward studies. It’s a house of 36 people who pool resources to save money on living expenses by doing labor, maintenance, and cooking for ourselves and to provide resources we wouldn’t otherwise have. This experience is absolutely changing my life, allowing me a segway back into exploring possibilities for continuing my education. I would highly recommend cooperative living it to anyone who is looking to join a student community before/while transitioning into college or for anyone wanting to gain life experience.

The website for the North American Students of Cooperation (Nasco) has information on co-ops in the United States. Find one! Join it! Build a community! There’s a conference in Ann Arbor, Michigan this November to network co-ops. I’d love to meet you there. :)

Five hours left to write this philosophy final. Probably ten before I have to send my Poli Sci essay in. Twenty two until my ten page Social Theory paper is due, and I haven’t done the reading for that.

I’ll turn that in one day late.

Gotta make the best of what you have, I guess. And try to have more next time. Try to have more time next time.

Lente, lente, Currite noctis equi.

After five weeks back at Augustana, I just can’t see it working out. I can’t see myself graduating right now, and certainly not with a feeling of achievement.

Right now I’m working through a “partner paper” with a freshman boy who’s in the honors program at my school, and I was overwhelmed when he said he’d finished his half of the paper in a matter of hours. When he sent it to me, I was disgusted to find that it was three pages of absolute bullshit, and even more appalled to think that he would receive more recognition than me for his laughably thrown together part of the essay than my well thought out, but overworked part.

It disgusts me to think that this student will probably “achieve” more than me, in matters of status, money, and job offers. His sociability makes him easy to trust, but he has no interest in what he’s doing, and his arguments hold no weight because he’s only regurgitating information.

It makes me sick that we will both be judged the same, despite our intentions, motives, and levels of interest.

What does a diploma prove if it’s passed out to both a sociable moron and a quiet genius?

I can’t see this working out. If I apply this much effort into understanding the world around me outside of school, I will learn just as much. Status is not important to me. In fact, I often worry that I’m setting myself up for a life that will deprive me of the things I truly value. Art. Music. Creativity. The road less wandered.

My soul aches for these things, and I don’t think I’m okay with ignoring that.

Maybe San Francisco with my siblings will hold opportunities. They say it’s the place where the weird prosper instead of suffer. Fire engine red hair and tattooed arms are calling my name, and I don’t think this school can offer me the change of fate I was always looking for.

Listen to “Crossroads” by Don McLean, and cross your fingers for me.

After two years at Augustana, I decided not to go back for Fall term this year. I just don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know where I’m going enough to throw myself in to studies. I didn’t find much inspiration in my time away from school, and I’ve convinced myself that school could be inspiration for the real world.

I’m going back this winter, and looking at Sociology and Political science as my majors, and philosophy as my minor. Something aches on the inside for art and beauty and creation, though. I want to bind books, and paint, and photograph, and design shoes. The “real world” is pressing down on me, and I’m facing worries about finding a job in today’s economy. I’ll have to pay back student loans. I’ll have to pay rent, buy groceries, fund my hobbies. Save. Fuck.

I guess all I can do is take it day by day. One term at a time. And hopefully I’ll find my place in this world, and hopefully I won’t be disappointed.

I’m doing it. I’m doing it!

This is my third week at Augustana, and I’m quickly learning to call it my home. People were right it telling me how very different and more free college is.

No more shuffling in crowded, overpopulated hallways, from class to class. I ACTUALLY HAVE ROOM TO LIVE.

I’m taking Chmistry 121, a required First Year Liberal Studies class, and German 201. I was shocked the first week at the ammount of studying we have to do on our own, but I prefer having real studies to do WAY over being slowed down to fully cover the bare minimum.

I’ll keep this goal up, perhaps, until I’ve completed college.

My brother’s so completely awesome in encouraging me. Whenever he talks to me about colleges, he always recommends really fantastic colleges for me to apply to. He always insists that I can get in, and that I’ll do well, and it means the world to me.

Last night we were studying for the SAT [SAT1 for me, SAT2 for him] and he mentioned that it would be fun for us to attend colleges in the same state. Not the same school, but in the same area so we could still hang out.

Seriously. What a cool brother.

I took the SAT earlier today- my first time. I SUCKED on the essay, but the rest went quite well. I actually enjoyed the math sections. =] However, I will be retaking it. I know I did well, but scores always improve the second time around.

The next step- decide what I’m going to do. Seriously. The possibilities have always seemed endless, so I’ve always been afraid to pick just one thing. But really, the possibilities will always be endless because it will always be about me. I can still do whatever I want, and that means the opportunities are endless.

As of now I am considering Colorado College and Cornell College as my main choices. They both function on a special schedule that works on one course at a time, which is extremely appealing to me.

My older sister’s friend Scott went to Colorado College, and strongly recomended that I check it out.

I’m also considering just going to KU. I don’t know what I’m going to do as a profession, but I can’t imagine it will be worth the huuuge extra I’ll have to pay to go out of state.

We’ll see.

Fullsail’s lame.

I’m not sure where I’m going, but I’m on my way to where ever it is. I’m registered for the ACT in October- hopefully I do well, because I doubt I’ll have enough time to take it again.

I’m working on being ambitious once again.
Let’s try harder this time.
No distractions.

I’m not so sure Fullsail is what I’m looking for.
I’ve heard from several people that it’d be a good idea to first attend a ‘normal’ college, and then see about going to a film school. Or something.

I think I need the extra education anyway. I don’t like the idea of something that ONLY focuses on film. I want to know a little bit about everything, not just a lot about film making. Going to fullsail would also mean living in an appartment, because there is no on-campus housing.

So. I’m now sure I’m going to college.
But I’m just not sure where.

Film schools, anyone?

I’m considering Fullsail, an artsy-type school in florida, for college. However, tution is around $46000 for the 21 month film program. And the credits are non-transferable if I decide to change my mind. My main worry at this point is that I don’t have the personality for the industry. So although my parents have promised to pay for half of my educational expenses no matter where I go, I’m still very nervous that this would be a very big risk to take with my life.

However.
This school is one of the top five film schools in the world.

A TON of graduates have moved on to the ‘big time.’ Five worked on the set of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. One is currently working as the Production Manager of the TV show Lost… which is fucking AMAZING. There is a huuuge list of big films that have employed Fullsail graduates, and I mean BIG films. The school’s got huge connections with big companys to get people going in the industry.

But if I did go to this school, I know I’d be with people who probably have a lot more passion for film than I do, and I don’t know if I could compete. But I think the program would teach me to overcome the flaws that could potentially keep me from otherwise excelling in this industry. It’s just hard to speculate whether or not this school would be a good move on my part, and if I can really go the distance the other students would probably be aiming to go.

If not film/theater, though… I don’t know what I’d do.

Another reason, not to be confused with THE reason, Fullsail might effect my life positively lies in the source of my information. I was first linked to the website by a guy named Zach I met off stickam, who I’ve become compleeetely infatuated with. Obviously, internet hook-ups are extremely sketchy, but I’ve come to the conclusion that no harm is likely to come from getting to know him. This will likely include meeting him when I eventually go down to tour Fullsail, or possibley even sooner.

Again. Sketchy. However. I am completely aware of the dangers this situation presents, and believe they are outweighed by my current knowlege as well as feelings for Zach. Through the glory that is webcam I am positive he is, as of today, a nineteen year old boy living with his parents in Orlando, Florida, and NOT a fourty year old obese man with thinning hair trying to rape and or kill me. Although he does enjoy pornography, he is not looking to record any starring myself. And he is quite definately one of the most interesting and fun people I’ve ever come in contact with.

If we do meet, and we happen to hit it off, attending Fullsail would allow me to pursue a friendship and/or relationship with him. Let it be known, however, that Zach is NOT the driving force in my having Fullsail as a possibility for college. I just wanted to throw out there that I’ve met an amazing guy who lives near one of the schools I am considering attending.