go to college

I’m doing it. I’m doing it!

This is my third week at Augustana, and I’m quickly learning to call it my home. People were right it telling me how very different and more free college is.

No more shuffling in crowded, overpopulated hallways, from class to class. I ACTUALLY HAVE ROOM TO LIVE.

I’m taking Chmistry 121, a required First Year Liberal Studies class, and German 201. I was shocked the first week at the ammount of studying we have to do on our own, but I prefer having real studies to do WAY over being slowed down to fully cover the bare minimum.

I’ll keep this goal up, perhaps, until I’ve completed college.

My brother’s so completely awesome in encouraging me. Whenever he talks to me about colleges, he always recommends really fantastic colleges for me to apply to. He always insists that I can get in, and that I’ll do well, and it means the world to me.

Last night we were studying for the SAT [SAT1 for me, SAT2 for him] and he mentioned that it would be fun for us to attend colleges in the same state. Not the same school, but in the same area so we could still hang out.

Seriously. What a cool brother.

I took the SAT earlier today- my first time. I SUCKED on the essay, but the rest went quite well. I actually enjoyed the math sections. =] However, I will be retaking it. I know I did well, but scores always improve the second time around.

The next step- decide what I’m going to do. Seriously. The possibilities have always seemed endless, so I’ve always been afraid to pick just one thing. But really, the possibilities will always be endless because it will always be about me. I can still do whatever I want, and that means the opportunities are endless.

As of now I am considering Colorado College and Cornell College as my main choices. They both function on a special schedule that works on one course at a time, which is extremely appealing to me.

My older sister’s friend Scott went to Colorado College, and strongly recomended that I check it out.

I’m also considering just going to KU. I don’t know what I’m going to do as a profession, but I can’t imagine it will be worth the huuuge extra I’ll have to pay to go out of state.

We’ll see.

Fullsail’s lame.

I’m not sure where I’m going, but I’m on my way to where ever it is. I’m registered for the ACT in October- hopefully I do well, because I doubt I’ll have enough time to take it again.

I’m working on being ambitious once again.
Let’s try harder this time.
No distractions.

I’m not so sure Fullsail is what I’m looking for.
I’ve heard from several people that it’d be a good idea to first attend a ‘normal’ college, and then see about going to a film school. Or something.

I think I need the extra education anyway. I don’t like the idea of something that ONLY focuses on film. I want to know a little bit about everything, not just a lot about film making. Going to fullsail would also mean living in an appartment, because there is no on-campus housing.

So. I’m now sure I’m going to college.
But I’m just not sure where.

Film schools, anyone?

I’m considering Fullsail, an artsy-type school in florida, for college. However, tution is around $46000 for the 21 month film program. And the credits are non-transferable if I decide to change my mind. My main worry at this point is that I don’t have the personality for the industry. So although my parents have promised to pay for half of my educational expenses no matter where I go, I’m still very nervous that this would be a very big risk to take with my life.

However.
This school is one of the top five film schools in the world.

A TON of graduates have moved on to the ‘big time.’ Five worked on the set of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. One is currently working as the Production Manager of the TV show Lost… which is fucking AMAZING. There is a huuuge list of big films that have employed Fullsail graduates, and I mean BIG films. The school’s got huge connections with big companys to get people going in the industry.

But if I did go to this school, I know I’d be with people who probably have a lot more passion for film than I do, and I don’t know if I could compete. But I think the program would teach me to overcome the flaws that could potentially keep me from otherwise excelling in this industry. It’s just hard to speculate whether or not this school would be a good move on my part, and if I can really go the distance the other students would probably be aiming to go.

If not film/theater, though… I don’t know what I’d do.

Another reason, not to be confused with THE reason, Fullsail might effect my life positively lies in the source of my information. I was first linked to the website by a guy named Zach I met off stickam, who I’ve become compleeetely infatuated with. Obviously, internet hook-ups are extremely sketchy, but I’ve come to the conclusion that no harm is likely to come from getting to know him. This will likely include meeting him when I eventually go down to tour Fullsail, or possibley even sooner.

Again. Sketchy. However. I am completely aware of the dangers this situation presents, and believe they are outweighed by my current knowlege as well as feelings for Zach. Through the glory that is webcam I am positive he is, as of today, a nineteen year old boy living with his parents in Orlando, Florida, and NOT a fourty year old obese man with thinning hair trying to rape and or kill me. Although he does enjoy pornography, he is not looking to record any starring myself. And he is quite definately one of the most interesting and fun people I’ve ever come in contact with.

If we do meet, and we happen to hit it off, attending Fullsail would allow me to pursue a friendship and/or relationship with him. Let it be known, however, that Zach is NOT the driving force in my having Fullsail as a possibility for college. I just wanted to throw out there that I’ve met an amazing guy who lives near one of the schools I am considering attending.

I’m not so sure I want to go to college anymore. Highschool sucks. it’s just a hoop they want me to jump through. I’m never going to use any of it in life, so I don’t see why I should have to learn it at all. I don’t want college to be the same way.

I don’t think my parents can afford to send me to college. they already have to pay for my older sister to go to college, and my twin brother is going to go as well. I just don’t think me going to college is worth it. It’s not worth my parents’ money. It’s not worth my money. It’s not worth my time.

I don’t have anything to fall back on, though. I’m not particularly good at anything, and I don’t know what I would do if I decided not to go to college. I don’t know of any appealing careers that don’t require a college education.
I’m just… worried. about how I’m going to turn out. about how everything’s going to turn out.

I’m just a sophomore in high school, but I’m seriously worried about getting into college. I’m not dumb. I’m in the gifted program. But… well, I’m on the stupid end of the smart scale. I’ll illustrate:

|stupid kids|smart kids|
I’m here-->X

Yeah. It’s close. I tend to get bad grades second semester. I lose motivation, and get even lazier than usual. My class rank is 171 out of 426… mainly because I failed a SUPER hard class last year. I just need to get my act together. I’ll get there eventually. I’m [almost] sure.