write in my journal daily

I should NOT be up at this hour! Actually, it would be OK if I had just woken up after sleeping for at least 6 hours….YES, of course I’m riddled with anxiety..hmm…I’m afraid I won’t make anything of my life. I feel like a huge loser.
1.-I’m afraid I have wasted my life and I haven’t made something of myself. I feel helpless, hopeless, scared…
2.-I have struggled with a VERY,VERY bad disease and I have worked my ass off taking responsibiltyfor this vicious killer. I have my disease by the balls-I am sober.
My battle scars are my trophees. Battling one disease gave birth to another vicious disease-Fibromyalgia. I am so much stronger than I think. I will live in spite of my diseases. I will live TO spite my diseases. And I will be happy and proud of myself for being sober one day at a time no matter how incredibly painful it is. I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman. I WILL conquer this anxiety just as I’ve conquered addiction,fibromyalgia,etc…....and it’s OK that I am up late. It is OK that I’m up late. It is no big deal that I am up late. Just as I am riddled with fear now-I know it will not last and I will be fearless. I will be fearless. Sure hope this cognitive behavioral therapy works.

My pain doctor/therapist instructed me to keep a journal as a tool to get rid of my patheticly, crippling anxiety. This has to be a quickie cuz I have to go to bed.
1-When I talked to the guy at Starbucks, while holding a cup of coffee- I was afraid that I’d have an anxiety attack. I was afraid that he’d see me have an anxiety attack and I’d be humiliated. I was afraid I would shake and spill or drop my coffee. I was afraid of looking like an idiot.
2-If I spilled the coffee I would be embarrassed, but nothing bad would happen. I would feel relieved that the adrenaline passed. Nobody there would really care. All would be forgotten. I DIDN”T spill OR drop the coffee-I did have an anxiety attack AND NOTHING bad happened!!!! I made small talk, then sat down and drank my coffee with Tim…...O.K. there’s my cognitive behavioral therapy assignment for the night….sheeeit.