stop overeating

I’m giving up on this goal and starting a different approach to my nutrition and diet.

Last night I was super stressed—I went on a huge cleaning/organizational spree, and didn’t stop until almost 1am. At the end of it, I pulled a muscle in my leg. It hurt. I got cranky. I ate an entire box of crackers and then some. I cried. Hubby was patient. I cried more. I fell asleep feeling like hell.

I woke up this morning feeling bloated, and slowly got ready for the gym. On the elliptical I had a great dialogue with myself (all of my best ideas seem to happen on the elliptical) and I realized that part of why I’ve gotten so bad at overeating is because my perspective on food and nutrition has changed a lot over the past few years.

I used to look at my diet as such a positive thing. I chose to eat unprocessed foods because they are best for my body and they helped me break the addictive cycles that processed foods can lead to. I ate fairy “clean”—organic when I could, whole foods whenever possible, minimal processing, colors, things I couldn’t pronounce, etc. I felt good. I liked thinking about what the good things I was eating were doing to my body. I enjoyed cooking new foods. Eating was fun.

Enter new job, fall 2009. With 12+ hour workdays, my diet and exercise habits completely changed. I ate Starbucks muffins during quick breaks, microwaved frozen food from Trader Joe’s when I got home. I ate packaged soups for lunch. My tastes for food changed, and I lost that connection to the things I bought and ate.

Here I am, now, battling addiction to processed garbage once again. I need to stop thinking that my problem is that I can’t stop overeating. My real problem is that I don’t have the motivation to nourish my body with good, real, delicious food. I instead cave to cravings for complete garbage that has literally left me feeling weak and terrible.

I’m done. I am determined to go back to the old way of thinking, and part of that involves not focusing on how much I eat, but on eating well and remembering how to enjoy eating well.

Yesterday we watched the US/Mexico match at a friend’s house. I decided to cook, and made some recipes from my Vegetarian Times magazine—pesto stuffed tomatoes and Greek yogurt potato salad. I also threw together a simple spinach and bell pepper salad with poppy seed dressing, and brought over all of this food with some soda.

He was delighted that I brought over healthy food (this is the buddy who is trying to lose weight and using myfitnesspal.com with me), and he remarked that he would have otherwise ordered a pizza. I ate slowly and enjoyed every bite of the new, yummy, flavorful food I made. I didn’t overeat at all, even though we were just sitting in front of the food all night.

I didn’t do as well at the fondue party the night before, but I let myself get way too hungry that afternoon, and by the time we got to eating, I was ravenous. Oh well.

Still feeling pleased with my progress. I definitely should cook for no reason more often! I think having new, interesting foods more often is a good strategy, and having a variety of flavoruful but healthy stuff at gatherings makes me less likely to gorge on cheese and crackers or some junk.

I’m thinking that for our July 4th BBQ, I may make veggie flatbreds, a fruit and spinach salad, that potato salad, and something else TBD…

I realize now that I often conflate hunger with other forms of discontent and discomfort, especially fatigue and boredom.

The other day, for example, I got home and was feeling a little weak and tired. I’d had a looooong day at work. I walked in the door and thought “I’m starving!”

Then I stopped myself for a moment and thought about it. Yes, I felt weak, but my stomach displayed no signs of hunger.

I decided that I’d have a PowerAde to see if I was just dehydrated before I turned to snacking. Sure enough, I felt better after I drank it and I still wasn’t hungry.

Other times, I’ll be bored and have a craving for salty or sweet things that’s so powerful that my body can convince me it’s hunger. I’ve started responding to those cravings with things like sport drinks, milk, a little bit of fruit, and lots of water.

The other morning I wasn’t feeling well and I kept wanting to eat more and more. I also tend to binge eat when sad or stressed. I realize now that I’ve been convinced that food is a cure-all for any kind of unhappiness and it just doesn’t make things better!

Now when I actually feel hungry, I notice it. It feels good—I like knowing what my body is asking of me. I am ecstatic with my progress on this goal.

I’m at the in-laws’ right now and I’m doing much better than usual. They made a huge sugary breakfast and I stopped myself just before I got too full. I made a delicious sandwich for lunch instead of gorging on homemade Mac and cheese like everyone else. We’re about to go out to dinner and I’m so not hungry, but I’ve already decided that I’ll just have a salad and bring whatever I don’t eat home.

Well I did eat a buttload of pretzels at happy hour tonight, but I also didn’t have dinner (the bar I go to has nothing but fried food and meats for dinner, neither of which I eat).

Even with all the pretzels, I still fell within a reasonable calorie budget—just a little bit over my weight maintenence calories. I did exercise today, though, so that’s good.

I also had a cupcake date with a friend. I enjoyed it.

I went out to two food-based activities in one day and did okay. I didn’t eat the whole universe and I don’t feel deprived. Not bad.

Last night I had a Trader Joe’s mini chocolate bar for dessert. It was delicious. I wanted another, but actually used my willpower and was able to say no.

And you know what? Despite what that frantic, nagging voice in my head, wanted me to think, I didn’t suffer for lack of chocolate. After a little while I even managed to forget about it.

Sure, it’s only worth 70 calories. But think about it—70 calories that I don’t go overboard adds up to 490 per week. 1960 per month. In two months, that’s a whole pound!

I’m really bad at telling that voice “no,” so I’m pleased that I did. Baby steps!

I have a cupcake date and happy hour tonight, and I’m going to the in-laws’ this weekend. These will all be good tests of the self-control I’m slowly building.

Junk food tastes a lot better when you only have a little bit of it.

(Note to self: remember this when you go out with JH for cupcakes on Thursday!)

My motivational home screen on my phone would be working much better if the phone itself wasn’t on its way out! I get a new phone on Wednesday and I suspect that this will help make my great idea even more effective.

My plan to stop restricting what I eat and instead focus on portion control has made such an ENORMOUS difference in my eating habits! I restricted myself on Friday because I knew I’d go out, and lo and behold, I ate a bajillian chips at happy hour, a trillian chips at home, and a ton of pizza. Duh.

Every other day I’ve allowed myself to eat whatever I’m craving in serious moderation, and I can’t tell you how much of a difference it’s made on my binge eating. I don’t have frantic pangs that tell me that I have to eat as much of whatever I’m holding as possible. Instead I have some, I like it, I put the rest back in the fridge or cupboard. Admittedly I’ve eaten a bit more than I wanted at times, but I think that will continue to improve as I improve my outlook on food and stop telling myself that I can’t eat certain things. It’s going to be a long process, but I think the reward is going to be life-changing for me.

It appears that I have long been craving sandwiches. I went shopping and bought tons of different things to make tons of different kinds of sandwiches (ciabatta bread, wheat bread, bagels, veggies to roast, tofurky, cheeses, mustards, etc.) and I’ve been having a healthy, delicious sandwich every day. Giving in to that want has helped keep me from eating too much the rest of the day!

My wheat thins purchase was going really well (one serving at a time, only when I plan it and portion it rather than just pigging out on a box) until hubby left town last night and I got sad and finished the box. Oh well. I made progress!

I know it’s only been one day, but so far my motivational home screen has been SO helpful! Yesterday I managed to keep from needlessly snacking by reading my mantras, looking at my skinny pictures, and allowing myself one of whatever I wanted.

I just filled up one of the home screens on my phone and transformed it into my “fitness” screen. On it, I have a note with my strategies, three skinny pictures of me, and links to the myfitnesspal, 24 hour fitness class schedule, and drink tracker apps. That’s a start. Now I have quick, easy access to of the things I need to remember whenever I go out! I’m going to make it my goal to look at that screen and read each item every time I sit down to eat something. I’m hoping that will help me to internalize these mantras.

How did people live before smartphones? ;)