goodbyeclarity is doing 35 things including…

identify my true friends and tend to those friendships joyfully

5 cheers

 

goodbyeclarity has written 4 entries about this goal

the list v2

I want to update this list to reflect on some of the things I’ve come to realize over the past few months. I’ve nurtured some of my friendships amazingly well, let some toxic ones go, and seen some really big changes in my social circles and how I spend my time. I’ve been able to really get to know some old friends better, and I’ve spent a lot of time doing things other than drinking. I’m enjoying my time with my friends much more. It’s been good. Scary, at times, but really good.

(Don’t ask why I gave up on punctuation midway through this post. I couldn’t tell you.)

True friends
J/hubby :)
So—best friend ever.
Mr. & Mrs. SB
Mr & Mrs JN—he is amazing and i love spending time with her and the little one. we went to the farmer’s market the other day and it was so much more fun than a night at the bar. yes. i said that. i am getting old.
Mr & Almost-Mrs. KW—she and i have gotten so much closer after i decided that i should invest more of myself into our friendship, and i haven’t regretted a minute of it. she’s lovely, and she’s an incredible person.
BWun—loyal, no BS, always supported me
JHid—amazing human
JCal—always stood by me
EPerk—awesome friend
CRob—close since childhood
MCarr—ditto
In-laws—awesome
Sister #2—good person

Should Put more effort in/could possibly be good friends
JDif—likes to party too much, but good friend
GSte—i should try harder. she is special and she really likes me.
KFel—want to be friends. getting there.
CEva—i think we will be friends for a long time, but it’s still early and we don’t know each other well enough yet.
Mrog—a lot older & more conservative than me, but a great work friend.
JBrun—getting there. i am growing very fond of her and her husband.
Dr. JN—i go back and forth on my relationship with her. i should be a better friend. she has always been nice, loyal, understanding. i lose my patience with her too quickly. i think the problem is that she is a great friend when things are bad, but when things are good she is still a little too negative and very uptight. her moods affect me.
EKir—awkward after last time she visited when i got too drunk and gave way TMI about my life. i have to accept how i behaved and hope we can rebuild our friendship over time.
SNak—we will never be super BFF, but she is still a good person and a good friend.
D—he’s dating CU, after all. and i question his motives when it comes to our friendship. there’s no denying that he has been really, really good to me, though. he saved my life. if she were gone, i think we’d be okay. as it stands, though, i loathe her to the point where it affects my friendship with him, and that sucks.

Not as close as we act
AChi—lousy human, fun to hang out with. i have had enough of those people.
Taik—nice. busy. distant.
Sister #1—negative human with no empathy for others.

Not worth my time!
JJ—i honestly do not miss him anymore. thank god. he is the worst person i know. there is no one on earth i dislike less.
N—the fact that she gave up on me without asking what is up with my life is indicative of the lack of attention she has always paid to our friendship.
BSto—our frienship was always one of convenience. he was a fun neighbor.
CU—i almost dislike her as much as JJ. she is evil, self-centered, awful. i mistook her for a friend and confided in her. that is one of my biggest regrets. she will be gone soon. i can’t wait until she moves.



Authentic Friendships

I’m starting to learn that some friendships are just more organic than others—that is, they allow a person to be authentic and comfortable, and the type of effort they require hardly feels like effort at all.

I have had so much fun with SO and BW this weekend. The things I do with them feel so much more authentic and fun than the things I do with other people.

Last night we wanted to take Christmas pictures, so we went to the Dollar tree to buy antlers, ties, and other accessories. We came back home. BW’s boyfriend called and broke up with her. She knew it was coming, but she was sad. AC and hubby were over too, at that point, and we all decided to go to sushi; BW wanted to have a drink and some food. We went to a sushi place within walking distance that, for some reason, I’ve never been to, and we proceeded to eat and drink the whole menu. We came back home, drunk and full, and took pictures in front of the tree before coming upstairs to hang out. It was a really fun, hilarious night.

Today BW and I joined Ms. KW, SO, and a friend of KW’s for some vintage shopping and lunch. I bought records. After shopping, BW and I got coffee and did some work before going out to a movie with AC.

It was all so nice—low key, no stress, not too expensive, and very go-with-the-flow. I love having people in my life who really help me feel like myself!



The list (v1)

I want to make this list, in part so I stop feeling so obligated to say yes to people who aren’t truly there for me when I need them, who I can’t trust to really help and love and guide me. I can still spend time with those people, but they should never dominate my life. I need to surround myself with loving, caring people.

True friends
J/hubby :)
SO—best friend ever.
Mrs. SB—she is so fabulous.
CU
D
Ms. JN
BW
JH
GS
JD
EK
My sisters and sister-in-law

Could possibly be good friends
KF
CE
JS
TA
JB
Mr. JN

Not as close as we act
AC
SN
ET
The KWs
JC
ET

Not worth my time!
JJ!
N
BS



Secret Santa and Fake Friends

My neighbors are all having a secret santa. Initially, I had planned to participate, but then I remembered that two of the people there are outright bad people and that of the group, I only consider two of the people involved good friends.

Today they were all messaging on facebook, reminding each other to update their wishlists so they know what to buy each other. I finally got so frustrated that I sent a reply that said “If you can’t figure out what your friends like, you fail at Christmas!”

I mentioned it to J, and he replied with “Yeah, that’s because they’re not friends. They’re people who used to live by each other.” it’s true. And they try to mimic friiendship, but most of them just aren’t friends.

Meanwhile, I went out with JN and BW tonight. We went to a coffee shop to get some work done. We talked, shared frustrations about each of our lives, laughed, and comforted one another. Like friends.

I am starting to realized what one of my biggest problems has been. I need to start surrounding myself with good friends.

BW, JN, and SO were amazing this weekend. I broke down told them about my traumatic experience/issue and they were so supportive and understanding. They’ve releived me so much fear. I have people who love me no matter what. That’s exactly what I need to know after what I’ve been through.



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