stop waiting

my mother says that almost every day of my life during the past five years has been spent waiting on something. waiting on what she doesn’t know, and neither do I. but I understand what she means. I am waiting for something. faith, love, inspiration. I don’t exactly know, but there has always been a void. I get that from my father, overthinking everything until you wake up and realize that your entire life was spent in a chair thinking instead of actually living. but that void, that inescapable unhappiness has created a great and constant anxiety in me. but when I am finally in the moment, living life, I’m paralyzed because I don’t know what to do. i’m too insecure and unstable to act. and it makes me feel so dumb.
but i’m running out of time.