learn to forgive

It took me a long time, but I have finally forgiven a person who really hurt me. I don’t think I will ever completely forget, but I have finally let go of the anger and I feel so much better.

I have forgiven an ex-boyfriend for our break up and all the lies he told during and after. I still, however, have not forgiven him for ruining our friendship. We were friends for many years before he persued me. We only dated for a brief time and that is the part that I am still having a hard time forgiving. If he didn’t have the feelings to follow through with the relationship, then he never should of started it in the first place because for a two-three month relationship, I lost a 13 year long friendship. We work together and still have to see each other everyday. It is so weird for me to think now how close we once were as friends and now I don’t even know him anymore.

I had an odd encounter this weekend that relates to forgiveness. I had an old friend who had really treated me bad many years ago come to me and apologized. It wasn’t anything that needed to be done cause I had gotten over it a long time ago, but I have to say it felt very good to hear. Maybe in order for me to forgive I need to take an initiative to apologize for things in my past in order to move on in my future.

Why does this one have to be so hard? I so want to just forgive, but everytime I think I do, something comes back to remind me of the situation and I just get upset and angry all over again. I just wish there was something that I could do that would finally allow me to forgive and forget!

I am having such a hard time forgiving a friend who treated me very bad. He lost my trust and made me feel like I was used. Someone who I was friends with for 13 years is now someone who makes me feel horrible everytime I see him. I have gotten through my stages of regret, anger, sorrow, and fear. I am now just trying to forgive so I can move on and not feel horrible each time he is around.

I went to talk to a psychologist today for the first time. One of my main goals while continuing my appointments will be to learn how to forgive and forget. To try and let things go and not punish myself by holding onto anger and not forgiving.

This is a really tough goal for me. I have always held onto grudges. I have gotten better with that, but I still have the forgiveness thing to work on. It is very hard for me to forgive someone who hurt me. I just always want them to realize what they did. But I know that the longer it takes me to forgive, the more it hurts me and not that person.