Accept myself completely

i have this image in my head of what i look like, which is probably about 20lbs slimmer than i actually am. for one of my projects, i have just made a dress out of duct tape and wallpaper using my body as a dress form. i had my roommate take pictures of it to put in my portfolio, but i was so ahgast at how i actually look that i could not put them in. i thought i was finished with this body image stuff. now i have this drive to lose weight again, but i dont actually want to make the commitment to watch what i eat and exercise. grrrr.

this is going better than i would have suspected. i was talking to a friend bcos ive been having a hard time lately, and she said that the key is self preservation. i tend to look out for others before looking out for myself and this idea, that i come first, is so liberating.