disclose 43 random THINGS about myself

It was terrible. I’m not cut out for jail. The first night, they took away my glasses because supposedly I was a suicide risk (no way!). I was in “the hole”, totally blind, listening to the men go crazy. Scary.

The next day, I got the top bunk in a room with a really angry girl, who was plotting things to do to other people in there.

I read, and paced, and read and slept.

I was so out of my element it wasn’t even funny. I might as well have had a prom dress on. Thank the stars that I am somewhat likable, usually.

There was a little old lady who had bounced some checks, in there with the screaming, frustrated young women. I’m sorry, but elderly people should be in their own area. That was just wrong.

It was what it’s meant to be…terrible. And it was even worse than that. Some people have no sympathy for those that are incarcerated. I do. That was fucked and I was only there for 72 hours.

I don’t quite know how that would work out, but I would.

Not a random guy at the club or some bar person. My partner.

I’m dancing with myself to “Cathy’s Clown” and wishing I could find someone that I could connect with like it’s supposed to be.

I have no idea why I think this, but I just do.

I have vowed to just let it be what it is this year and be certain to really do it up big next year. Over the top, get-back-into-it big.

Why put all this pressure on myself to be all fake happy when I’m not? I’ll just promise myself to make a big deal of all the holidays next year. Yippee!

or for when Jesus comes down, or whatever crazy shit that might happen in the future.

I used to be like a Mormon, stocking up all that food, now I just have an over-abundance of THINGS THAT CAN BE EATEN IN A MAJOR MOTHERF*CKING CRISIS. And water. CAN’T FORGET WATER.

with absolutely no intention of calling them.

I love the rants and raves section, even though it is filled with hate and ridicule.

I’m a curvy girl anyway, but I always tell people that I “dress skinny”. My mother is about 100 lbs overweight, and it’s not hard for me to gain weight at all. It is difficult to take it off, even 5 lbs is ridiculously hard to get rid of, so I am very much aware of what the scales say to me.

Being so stressed out made me lose 20 lbs, which was great in theory, but close friends said I didn’t look good 20 lbs lighter (WTF?), and I’ve gained back about 10 lbs, just being away from Crazyperson.

I love myself no matter what I weigh, but that is always a concern in the back of my mind. No more bread, Grl…or Drink more water, Grl.

Annoying.