get a divorce

my spouse and I went to a divorce lawyer it was the way he wanted to do it. He filed the papers with the county clerk and I was told that I will be a single woman in 6 days!

I’m am not entering the new year married to him…....the goal is to be divorced by December 31, 2008!!!

He told me that he wasn’t going to give me a divorce until he was ready. I know its crazy thinking but once a week I think that he wasnt that bad until I think about the verbal abuse and no sex. but I’m going to stick with my first mind-PAYING BILLS IS NOT EVERYTHING. I’m enjoying my peace.

Okay I told him to move out 2 weeks ago and since then minus one or two days, it has been great. When I walk in from work it feels like the house is not so dark and gloomy anymore. I have been knowing that it was over and his current actions assure me that I made the right decision. Maybe he was going to stay here just as long as I let him. But I do know forsure that he did not want me and I’m okay with that. NO MORE TEARS! THE NEXT ONE WILL BE DESIGNED FOR ME! Heaven sent! I get so excited just thinking about it!

I told him that I will give us both until january 30, 2008 to save some money before we go our seperate ways. I dont think its normal for a married couple tp only have sex twice in a year. (please comment… I know i cannot be wrong). he is a excellent friend and provider but there is more to a marriage/relationship than that. Now he attempts to make me feel guilty, stating that he really wants the relationship to work but I think it is DEAD!

I decided that I am still young. hey, I’m only 31 and there is still time for me to find happiness. I have been in this courthouse marraige for almost 3 years and have yet to take a family trip together. I wouldn’t care if it was the city over. I tired of begging and pleading for him to spend time with me and I am also sick of the mental abuse. after telling him that I wanted a divorce and that I will pay for it, the only thng he can say is “are you sure?”, this is not something that you can turn back! Hell, I dont want to pay for counseling or discuss any of our issues anymore. If nothing has changed in 3 years its not going to change in the future. I feel that GOD has someone else waiting for, all I need to do is get out of this mess.

When I first created my list for 43 things. I was thinking only of improving myself and being a better wife. Now, I’m having second thoughts. Maybe I need to change my goal to Find MYSELF, because I use to keep my appearance up but now I FEEL COMPLETLY EMPTY. I feel like I am drained physical, EMOTIONALLY and mentally. IM sick of having arguing matches.