control my anger

although i haven’t destroyed my anger, i have concluded that because anger is a natural human emotion, i can’t expect to crush it completely.

that said, i have been feeling less and less anger in my life because at some point in the past couple months i have stopped getting so annoyed at the things that are so meaningless and pointless and laughing because it’s so ridiculous. which, in a wierd sort of way, is better, no?

peace.

i also found some fantastic advice from one of my teachers from last year.

she had read in a book that anger should be treated as separate from you (not who you are), but still a part of you (an emotion that you’re experiencing).

so, when you feel angry, whether it’s from tripping on a rock, you got fired, you have no control over a situation, etc. you treat your anger as something that needs to be cared for, like a child or puppy.

whenever you feel angry, personify your anger. say, “hey, little anger. what do you need? how about we go on a walk. would that make you feel better?” and translate your anger into a healthier reaction than punching the first thing you see.

it’s helped me a lot in the past couple weeks.

peace.

i’ve been getting really angry a lot in the past week. and although i hate to admit it, i know why.
it’s because i’m feeling rejected.
i told my best friend i liked him, but he didn’t feel the same way. my parents are making me leave my school and i can’t change their minds. i keep thinking that i did something good and then my mom keeps pointing out the bad.
and i can’t just say, ‘well, fuck that,’ because these are people i actually care about.
and you know what else sucks? my therapist isn’t helping either. therapists are supposed to be on the patient’s side, not on the side of the person they’re fighting against.
well, i’m leaving for a trip and i’m so happy because i won’t have to deal with all this bullshit for five days! whee!

i’m so excited for summer.
peace out.
grow.

sometimes i need to scream. and i can’t. i’m stuck with people that edge me on saying, “c’mon, let’s see what you’ve got.” fuckers! they have no idea the end of my anger issues! no fucking idea!

they think they’ve felt anger. well, guess what. they haven’t. ever.

my anger is killing me.

i’m serious.
it may kill me in the next five years because i can’t let it out. because people will either a) get pissed, which, in turn, makes me more angry and that’s not good or b) anger will become some sort of epidemic because people that i interact with when i’m angry will be crushed into the ground and they’ll try to give away the pain because most people are selfish little bastards!

no one believes in me, no one trusts me, no one cares except for my friends that my parents are forcing me to leave because they think the academics at my school aren’t good enough. what the hell do they know? they don’t! they’re not going to my school! it’s my life! i have no say in this decision whatsoever! i hate them for doing this to me!

fuck.

this is why this is a goal for me.

fuck.
grow.