stop picking my skin

about five days ago i picked my face and i really destroyed one spot. i think it got infected and i didn’t leave my house except to go bike riding. my mom took be my the hands and said “please don’t do this anymore” and it made me feel just miserable. it’s healing, but slowly, i just can’t leave it alone. i always feel lucky because i heal fairly quickly, but i don’t have time for this in my life anymore. i have to be able to do things and keep commitments, not break them because i am self-conscious. i have portraits coming up next week and i’m determined to not pick today.

:(

I did well today. I’m proud of myself for not engaging in this destructive behavior. I’m really trying to treat myself, and that includes my skin, lovingly.

How vain

I won’t even leave my house today.
I’m telling my mom I feel sick. I wish I could just go and not care, but I won’t do that because I don’t want to feel like I’m being stared at.

Tomorrow I have to go to work and I’m so embarrassed.

I hate having perfect skin 80% of the time and picked skin 20% of the month because of my stupid fucking period! It makes me so angry!

I’m so angry at myself.

I just feel miserable. Hiding out in my house because I’m such a damn perfectionist, because I’m so damn vain.

:(

I picked on my chin because I was on my period and I broke out on my chin and UGH I hate mutilating myself like this.

i used hot compresses and slept overnight, let it get to a head, and then i got rid of the stuff inside the spot. it’s now flat, there’s no wound, and it was easily covered up with makeup. i’m pretty impressed that i didn’t hack into my skin like i wanted to last night. it paid off.

ugh, i have a spot and it’s bothering me and i know it’s going to be one of those painful ones and i just hate it, but i played a “tape” in my head, fastforwarding through the picking and the damage i’d do to my skin, and it stopped the desire for now. so i’m just going to keep doing that.

I have a spot right underneath my eyebrow that’s bothering me, I picked it and it became a small wound, it’s very very tiny and I can cover it up with makeup but I HATE makeup so oh well.

Other than that I’m doing well with this goal. I always do well when there’s nothing to pick, it’s when I break out and get some spots that I struggle.

i’ve been doing really well at this. been going tanning a lot, keeping my hands off my face.

Haven’t picked today. That’s good enough for now!