get over my ex

my flatmate ran into him at a gig last week, said he is still living in sydney, with no job – still. he even had to ask his parents to pay his power bill.
i don’t even know who he’d be hanging out with these days.

i don’t know how i feel about him now. he’s obviously not good enough for me, i know that.
if i found out he was getting back together or starting up contact with his ex, like i suspect, my heart would fall through my stomach – like it does everytime i even contemplate that thought.

it’s been over 4 months since we split, so it’s getting on a bit. i don’t want him. but i still get physical stomach rolls at the thought of him.

i miss him but then i just feel angry at him, and myself.

one thing i hate about being out without a boyfriend, if you’re a girl alone and you’ve dressed up because you want to feel good for yourself – not anyone else – you’ll almost certainly get hit on by gross guys.

i just have no faith in relationships, in people not hurting each other.
someone always loves the other person more, there’s always one that gets hurt the most.

another recent goal was to “fall in love again” in the next year, but i don’t know if i have the energy to go through something like this again.

you put so much effort into loving a person, in fact it seems effortless at the time because you love doing it, and then once they reject you and tell you they don’t love you, suddenly you crash hard. . and realise how much energy you actually used up.

i’m deflating.

“It took me about a year, and three months into a relationship with someone who is so amazing and caring, to realise how much better off I was.”

Can I just say, I used to write on this goal all last year, and when I finally got over it, and posted the above comment, I thought I was valid in ticking “goal achieved”.

However, my second relationship collapsed about a month ago, so I feel like I should be un-ticking this goal and starting all over again!

We went out for about 7 months – and I suppose I put him on a pedestal because he was the exact opposite of my ex – touchy feely and affectionate, always wanting to spend time with me, I felt so comfortable around him, I loved him so much.

But it was exactly the same in the end – he didn’t love me, was never in love with me. And I was in love with him.

My god guys infuriate me.

And this time it’s more of a mutual friends situation, but I have managed to not see or talk to him, AND blocked him on Facebook, for a whole month.
I told him not to contact me and he hasn’t. It’s hard, but I think it’s helping me emmenseley.
I got my flatmate to exchange stuff we had of each other’s and everything.

It still hurts, but at least I’m better equipped to deal with it now.
It’s weird how it takes going out with someone else to get over your last relationship. But I don’t want that to happen this time, I want to get over him as quickly as possible and be happy to be single for at least a year!

My first two boyfriends have broken my heart – in a period of two years!

It’s pretty bizarre. But then, maybe not. It happens all the time to people, I’m no different. I’m only 22.
And hopefully it’s just going to make me stronger.

I wish we worked, but I think he’s got to do a lot of work on himself before he can love someone.
He said while I’m going to have this “great life”, he’ll probably still be sleeping in every day for the next five years.
Sounds like a real catch, doesn’t he? I guess I just fall in love easily.
I’m selective, but when I find someone I like, I fall head over heels.

In this case though, in seems cancer and pisces weren’t meant to be.

It’s really sad. I think about him every day and I miss him to death,and I’m still in love with him.

It took me about a year, and three months into a relationship with someone who is so amazing and caring, to realise how much better off I was.

It really is lifechanging to go through the pain of breaking up with someone.
You have to feel it and let it all out.

Sometimes I thought I would never get over it, and of course, when I see him every now and then when I’m out its not the best, but it DOES get easier every time.

Good luck everyone in this situation.

Don’t be afraid of feeling like shit, of not knowing what you’re going to do – that’s facing the problem. Just make sure somewhere along the line you make a decision to start moving on.

And if someone comes along and you’re not sure about them – take the chance anyway. It really does help the healing process, and make you realise not all guys are horrible.

Guys aren’t horrible, really – relationships are. But they can also be great.
I’m so glad I took the plunge again.

I bumped into him at a gig a couple of weeks ago, this was the first time we’d seen each other in 5 months. It was fine, I gave him a hug and we didn’t really talk much, and later he messaged me saying “Really cool seeing you tonight!”
I ended up having a cry later, it was just too much. It’s not that I want him back, it just still hurts to see him.

He’s left me messages since then, like bringing up old personal jokes and stuff. The whole thing with us is that we were going too be friends after all this, but I just haven’t contacted him at all. I’m considering emailing him and saying, “Look, if it’s not already obvious, I’ve found it pretty hard to be friends with you again after this – that’s why I’ve been distant. Can you not contact me anymore please.”

But see, I don’t want to be all Screwed Up Ex on him, and I don’t want it to seem like I’m reassuring HIM why I don’t want to talk to him anymore. It’s more about getting out why I have ignored him the past few months.

I have TRIED with the politeness of talking to him every now and then, but every time we do I feel like it’s setting me back again.

What’s everyone’s opinion? Should I bring up the heavy shit or just keep going as I’m doing now?
I need advice.

I’m turning into such a sap – I was reminded of just how awesome this song is after recently revisiting Reality Bites.

You say I only hear what I want to
You say I talk so all the time so

And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don’t belong
And now that I am leaving
Now I know that I did something wrong ‘cause I missed you
Yeah yeah, I missed you..

..So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing my song:
Lover’s in love and the other’s run away
Lover is crying ‘cause the other won’t stay
Some of us hover only waitin’ for the other who was
Dying since the day they were born
Well, well, this is not that
I think that I’m throwing, but I’m thrown..

..You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong
I thought, “hey, I can leave, I can leave.”
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, ‘cause I missed you
Yeah, I miss you

You said, “I caught you ‘cause I want you and one day I’ll let you go”
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me
‘Cause you know you’re just scared to lose
And you say, “Stay.”

You say I only hear what I want to.

So I’ve been thinking about him too much this week. I used to be so strong-willed and have little catch phrases in my head like, “Why do you want someone who can’t give you what you want?”
But there’s been so many negative thoughts lately.
Like what if he has a new girlfriend. I was thinking about it earlier nad it actually made my stomach turn and my palms sweat.

I try and concentrate on different things like planning to go out on the weekend, but deep down I wonder whether I’ll see him out, which stresses me even more.

Maybe when I finally see him it will bring me back to earth. Sigh.

“Even if you were back together, you would just be sickened by everything he said and did”.

The saying “Time heals all wounds” is a black and white approach.

I never thought I’d relate to this expression until recently.

The fact is, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did.

But it hurts that it doesn’t hurt as much – ya know? The realisation that I’m letting go is just as scary as the initial break-up period.

My last post was very bitter but I think it was my reaction to a shift in my feelings – not longer am I raw-all-over hurt, but rather I’m now moving on whether I like it or not.

I have to – because we have been apart so long, the minor details in our everyday existences have become lost to one another. Like if I called him up to say hi, it just wouldn’t be the same. To explain what happened in my day I’d have to explain what’s happened to me in the past month.

It’s very bittersweet, and sometimes it makes me very sad.

When I think about it, I spend way too much time trying to get over this. I’m never going to unless I just start living my life and not stressing so much over being rejected.

A friend told me the other day that avoiding him and shutting him out isn’t going to help – it’s ignoring the problem. If I run into him, well cool, but I shouldn’t obsess over it.
It’s seriously not important enough to be factoring in my life so much at the moment.

I wish I would stop feeling so bitter :-(

Hah, he’s messaged me today asking what my new address is: he has a present for me aparently.

It can really only be one thing; his band’s cd that they’ve been working on since late last year. Late last year, when we were together. As a result of that, most of the lyrics he wrote are about me.

Maybe I should care more that he’s finally done it, but I really don’t. I’m so immature in the way that I can’t just be polite and normal and deal with it. I want to forget about it all.

I suppose I’ll give him my address. I doubt I’ll listen to it though, not for awhile.

I wonder if, in the future when they play shows, he’ll regret that he permanently recorded his feelings about me, feelings that are so irrelevant to both of our lives today, because he wanted to end it.