....wtf

Steel helms.

Block those nasty
subliminal messages and
cellular microwave
radiation!

Tested by the 82
Airborne in Kosovo.

Plus! Doubles as
portable latrine
or mixing bowl.

$19.95

Please allow 6 to 8
weeks for us to move
your funds to our
offshore account.

matty

I promise I
won’t look at
your girlfriend
again.

...If she stops
flirting with me.

hf_matty

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like.

He asks St. Peter “Where is my father?” But St. Peter says he doesn’t know.

He asks the Archangel Gabriel “Where is my father?” But Gabriel doesn’t know.

He asks John the Baptist “Where is my father?” But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. “Stop!” Jesus yells. “Who are you?”

“Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son.”

“Tell me of your son, old man.”

“Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know…”

“Father?” Screams Jesus.

“Pinocchio!” yells the old man.

matty

Forget Perfect Thyroid!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3929684751749233

m

http://www.phobia-fear-release.com/fear-of-clowns.html

Known by a number of names – Coulrophobia and Fear of Clowns being the most common – the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread, although everyone experiences clown phobia in their own way and may have different symptoms. Our treatment involves no drugs.-

...everyone experiences clown phobia in their own way.

...I like that.

m

Why wake up the household at
zero dark thirty, fumbling
for the bathroom light switch
and flushing the toilet just
to pee?

Historical note:

In Renaissance Scotland, the housewives threw their chamberpot contents and slops out the windows with the cry “Gardy Loo!” (This evidently derived from the French “Gardez l’eau,” meaning “Look out for the water!”) Unfortunately, the sound of the cry and the discarded material often arrived simultaneously.

Woe to the one who looked up to see what was happening. It is believed that this may be the origin of the British term “loo” for a toilet (Pudney, 28-9). The high-rises of Edinburgh were hardly the only places in Europe to present a sanitation problem during this era.

Consider yourself informed!

m

Photo taken by: Lukas Slavik
Route: Prague to Tunis, 19 Jul 2005
Ticket price:
Flight duration: 2h 10m
Class: economy
Aircraft: Boeing 707-300 (C-18/C-137/E-3/E-6/E-8)|Boeing 707-400|Boeing 707-700

Meal: dinner – main – Wholemeal baguette with ham, cheese and lettuce leaf. Chocolate bar with coconut filling.

Drink: water

Comments:-
The second worst meal I`ve ever eaten on flight. Baguette was old, rubberlike and without any margarine or butter.

I thought I would choke to death with it, but i had to eat it. Was to hungry to return it to stevard because of 12 hours delay – so this was probably meant to be breakfast.

Only eatable thing was the chocolate bar, but it was too sweet. So 1 for baguette, 2 for chocolate bar.. :)

Rating 1-10 (worst-best): 1—-

(oh, shit, ouch…that was funny! I had to eat it! This dude’s my hero).

hf_m

She’s a multifaceted girl.

I christ it!

hf_m_

Goldbergian

http://www.pistolwimp.com/media/44210/

hf_m

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that
will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on
blocks in your front yard?

(A) ‘65 Ford Fairlane (B) ‘69 Chevrolet Chevelle© ‘64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of
20 gallons of shine produced per hour.

How many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The
density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches.

How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers
with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine.

When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow
with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man’s land and,

still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a
steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads,

what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? (my favorite).

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long
will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

Did I just write that? Bad!

hf_m