get over my ex

This is really the breaking point for me.
No more weak moments to contact him.
I have to do this.
It’s imperative
I’m in danger of spiralling down a path that I don’t want to.
I have to choose the straight and narrow this time.
I’ve walked down the wayward and swaying path of backstabbing + anger right now.
It’s gone on a month too long.
I need to put these irrational fears away in a metaphorical ’’box’’ once and for all.
If the relationship wasn’t working,then there was something missing.
My trust.
I need to use my intuition in the future to find that out + get out with my integrity.
Right now my pride is hurt.
And I’m attacking him,and he’s trying to do the same because maybe I’ve hurt his pride by dumping him.
He accused me of apparently saying other men were good in bed.
Yeah,sure,I liked some man from Eastenders for about a month,and he uses that to attack me?
I,for the record,can’t remember that I said other men were good in bed.
I felt like an inadequate wreck.
And he has a go at me for discounting the fact that I had a dream that I kissed and fucked my mate?
Tell me this then: he can’t have a dream about another girl that he likes,that he can kiss her,and then when I’m off the scene,he apparently tells her how he feels,and that’s okay?
Tell me I’m being a pisshead here,or that I’m actually right for not taking his whingeing 15 year old crap.
I have to break out of the vicious loop before I lose it all.
I’m getting rid of everything that reminds me of him.
I’m going to do this on my terms.
If I’m this ’’patronising bitch’’,who in reality is trying to help whoever (but actually needs help facing up to herself and goes about it in the wrong way (although this could be seen as being harsh on myself,or a wake up call)),then what am I doing wrong?
Do I need to help myself first? Yes,I do.
Okay.I’m getting the answers.
I just have to take little baby steps,or am I being too gentle on myself? Am I being laissez-faire about the whole thing? Should I take the harsh approach?
You can’t answer that for me.
I have to myself.

1. I am ashamed by my weak will to see him again yesterday,but I am so glad I drew back quickly. I deleted him just now because he hurt me last night. I am now the recipient of a new e-mail address,and will hopefully change my number.
2. I started counselling for the first time in two years. I felt so much better after disclosing all my feelings to a professional and how I felt,and I’m hoping that over the coming weeks I will become a stronger woman.
3. I am glad that I have great people to actually kick my ass into gear. Their advice may be a harsh blow to me,but at the end of the day,the self centred twat is welcome to her. My mate who i do German with at sixth form told me I was socialising over the computer too much,and i think she’s right. I need to allot some ’’me’’ time and socialise with people at college,not online,unless i haven’t seen them in ages. Empty screens do nothing for me and make me even more crap when i have arguments with people online.

So hopefully operation get over the ex will be well underway soon. i’m off out with my dad for some father-daughter time tomorrow. Just worried if he’ll ask me what i said in the counselling. it’s confidental to me,but i realised where my relationships go wrong. that is the answer i want to try and get a breakthrough from,with relationships.i’m nearly 18,and have a lot to concentrate on,namely getting into uni to do German and English.

I CAN DO THIS!

I cried Thursday night.
Properly.
It felt so good.
I tried writing a song but all that came out was bitterness.
I didn’t want to go to work today,but it’s too late,and my bosses wouldn’t appreciate it if I just mitched off because of a breakup,and I’m feeling shit becuase he practically bums this girl,thinks she’s ’’ 100% Rapeable’’ i.e totally shaggable,fit and what have you. All the stuff he used to say to me,before I fell for him,he now says to her. That hurts. He told her how he felt while I was away at my dad’s,but he spun a web of lies to try and make me get over him by telling me him and his little girlfriend were considering a relationship, but he was using her to get back at me and we both went mental at him. He text me while i was on my mentoring course a few days later but my phone was off and i didn’t get his text until i turned it on a few hours after,and when we argued i just put him down for shouting like a child with his bold type,while i remained calm,albeit sarcastic and patronising towards the brat.
I said hi after he unblocked me Thursday night,but then I just thought ’’What’s the sodding point?’’ and deleted him for good.
I wish her luck. if she’s so good for him,then I just wonder where the hell I went wrong as a girlfriend. She got him an A* in his GCSE English Creative Writing, simply by inspiring him with her dirty mind,I couldn’t do that, I’m a C Grade A Level English Lit student (although I took my GCSE English a year early,which neither of them have done),and I write some pretty second rate shit erotica (what I mean,hers is much more first rate than mine,and he knew that,he even criticised that I rushed into some parts,I’m sure I’ll write better now I’m shot of him). I made him happy in bed (although we didn’t have sex),but yet he has a dream about this girl who’s more wonderful than me. He can’t have both. He worships her like a demi-god. I don’t feel sorry for either person at all. They’re both shallow. She seems to be on a higher pedestal,and I’m now feeling extremely second class compared to her. At least I’m out of this mess and getting some help.

From the pathetic person aka my ex.

I had the willpower to delete him and his cronie from every website (MySpace,Bebo,and the like) and my MSN,and he falsely accused me of deleting her (the girl who he has feelings for) sister. I swiftly rang him and told him to put his facts right and told him a lot of things.

What a bullshitting,immature child.