take more risks

Okay so the “most difficult thing of my life”... kinda fixed itself? Or something? But it was still hard to do.

Anyway I have some new stuff and new people in my life and I want to be open to them and to new possibilities. Yeah, I’m scared as hell, but I just have to remember that sometimes it’s okay to be vulnerable and even if I do end up hurt, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it. I guess I can just take baby steps. I know I’m afraid of being hurt, but I think I’m also afraid of losing myself in a way… or doubting myself. But if I keep up my confidence and positive outlook… everything will always be okay.

Good luck to me as I take the dive.

i did the most difficult thing i have ever done today. a huge risk. it will take time to find out if it was all worth it.

I doubt myself a lot, I’ve realized. I started applying for jobs and shied away from ones that seemed difficult or that I may struggle with when I know I should stop doubting myself and take the plunge and do something to really challenge myself because I feel like I’ve taken it easy most of my life. I need to look for more opportunities in which I can challenge myself. I know one is opening myself up and trusting people. I always get very nervous thinking about being emotionally attached to another person but hopefully I get the courage to do so.

I don’t know, perhaps I’ve partially taken more risks this year. I really put myself out there for a person like I never have before. I told myself that the future looked rocky but maybe it’d be worth it, maybe something really good would come of it. I can tell you, despite having some good times I did end up being very hurt and not ever actually getting what I wanted. Of course this makes me question if it was all worth it, was it really worth the risk? And do I really want to put myself out there again like that? It’s hard to say, but I hate the thought of always being so reserved and never opening myself up and getting close to someone. It had been so long since I’ve been close to someone like that. Taking risks is what life is about. Sometimes you have to take some risks to find something really really good and worth it. Sometimes you have to get a little bruised or burned to finally reach something amazing. I haven’t found it, but I hope I keep trying and be bold enough to take those risks. I won’t lie, I’m scared as hell but more than anything I’d love to find something amazing to which I can tell myself “Yeah, that was so worth it”