stop drinking

This time I’m going to try having a fitness goal. Training for a marathon will give me something to do…

It has been hard for me to admit I have a problem, so it has been challenging to stop drinking. I’ve gone 100 days without drinking, only to say once more that I don’t really have a problem.

Some of the more dramatic stories people have told of their fight against alcoholism have only made it easier to feel like I don’t have a problem. I never drink in the morning. I don’t drink hard liquor. I don’t wake up in strange places.

It’s also difficult, because I feel like a drinking problem is a character flaw – a personal weakness. I don’t want to admit even to myself that I have a personal weakness.

But last night, while making a trip to the store to get alcohol, I had a feeling that reminded me of a trip I made years ago to the gas station. I was trying to quit smoking and has gone several days without a smoke. I lived near a gas station and decided to walk there. I hadn’t completely convinced myself I was going to buy smokes, but I made the walk anyway. I didn’t want to smoke, but I bought the cigarettes anyway. I was only going to smoke a few, but I smoked them all anyway.

The same feeling came over me when I went to buy some beer and wine last night. I didn’t really want it, but I bought it anyway.

I have come to the realization that for me this is an addiction, and regardless of how dramatic my stories are I should do something about it. People who chose not to drink because they have a drinking problem are not the weak ones. They are strong to realize they have a problem, and they are strong to have the dedication to do something about it.

I’m spending my Friday night rebuilding my old mountain bike. I’m giving it a new crank, new pedals, new shifters, and new brake levers. This should keep me busy for a while.

They had free wine and beer at the end of work today to celebrate the end of a big project. I somehow managed to stick with soda.

I’m still trying to find relaxing things to do in the evenings. I’m thinking about taking up archery after work and on the weekends.

I looked it up and I’ve been 22 days without a drink. One of the hardest parts for me is figuring out how to relax. I’m a bit of a workaholic, and in the past I’ve used alcohol to force me to take it easy for a while.