Be myself

It’s only since i gained a lot of friends at high school that i think i haven’t always been myself. I’ve just realised recently though, that i think the main reason i’m not myself with people is because of my best friend. I’m not blaming her as a person, i love her, but it’s just that we’ve been friends for almost our whole lives and have pretty much always been together, so i feel like anyone who doesn’t know me as well as she does isn’t a good friend. Which is ridiculous, since i know i have good friends, but i just feel that i can’t be myself around them because they don’t know me like my best friend does, so i always feel that they aren’t proper friends and are just people in my life that will eventually disappear and won’t have any real impact on me. What’s worse is that she doesn’t feel like this, i haven’t talked to her about it obviously but i can tell that she doesn’t, and whenever she like talks to someone else or is having fun with them or anything like that, i get a bit jealous. I also always feel that i’m competing with her, that me and her come as a package and my friends like her more than me, so i’ve always got to be funny [she’s funny] and say witty things. I’m also known for being nice, and i think i am, but because i’ve had that label sort of thrust upon me i feel that i have to live up to it, and there is quite a quiet person in our group, and while i think we’re good friends i feel like i’m sort of patronising towards her, because i’m trying to be too nice and i can’t stop myself. Hopefully i’ll get over all this soon and will learn to be myself in front of other people and not care if they don’t like me, because if people don’t like you that means you are being yourself, or at least have some sort of personality, because if everyone likes you it means you have moulded yourself to what other people want you to be, and as everyone is different it’s impossible to be liked by everyone if you are yourself. But you just have to accept that it’s an inevitable part of life that everyone has to accept, and just get on and enjoy your life because it’s the only one you’re gonna get.