learn to trust people

since I feel that I have learned that. There’s so many people in my life that I trust. There is a proof of my trusting; I told someone really sensitive stuff about how I feel even that would have been used against me. I didn’t even think about that by then!, I realized it later. People still needs to gain my trust, but right now I think I trust for the right people and I won’t regret that :)

I think I trust actually a lot more people than I used to. And more easily. Example here on 43T 6 people knows my real name. I don’t know if it’s good that I am starting to trust more people. I’m afraid that I might get fooled again. But maybe I just have to take the risk. There’s so many wonderful people and I don’t want that they have to suffer what someone once did for me; I want them to get know me.

Even I now trust in friendship level so many people, I still lack that trust on more intimate level with someone. Well I don’t have anyone like that now, but I don’t want that in future, my lack of trust would ruin everything. So maybe I still keep this goal here for awhile.

How I can recognize true friendship from those who just pretend to be my firends. Am I bad friend cos I am actually doubting few of my friends purposes? I have seen way too often that people call me a friend and then act way more differently than I think friend should act. Backstabbing. Yeah. I have lived that hell.

I neved call anyone a friend unless I actually mean it. I demand honesty from my friends. But I am now playing hypocritical cos I am doubting them?

When firendships fades away it’s hard, even impossible, to reclaim it back. I have managed to get back some friendships, but most of the times it doesn’t happen. When the trust is gone, it can’t get back. There’s few fading friendships going on in my life right now. It makes me sad. Of course I could do something. But it makes me wonder why they don’t do anything? Why I have to be always the one who makes the first step? Or are they doubthing my friendship?

I’m blaming myself of loosing friends. Maybe I am not a good person after all. Maybe all those people who claims to be my friends really are, but my lack of trust scares them away. But iI still think that friends shoul accept me as I am. Even I am a bit paranoid every now and then.

I’m messing up my mind. I should trust more people. I should believe what they say is true, but I have been backstabbed so many times that it’s hard. I can’t blindy trust people, not even those who say that they are my friends.

So am I a bad person? How people can trust me if I can’t trust them?

I think that there’s actually quite many I trust nowadays. And I can be more open with my feelings and thoughts. But can I trust someone my life? I dunno.

Trusting is difficult when one gets setbacks too many times. I just have to take a risk of letting someone close. I have to take the risk of getting hurt. Am I ready for that? I dunno.

I don’t trust anyone else than myself. Everybody who I have trusted (really trusted) has betrayed me. It would be wonderful to really trust someone my life and that person would stand next to me and never hurt me. But how can I do that?