Be a better friend

I had such a great weekend :) My weekend started already on Wednesday when I decided to go first Tampere, spend the night there and then go to Turku. I had nice chance to meet Emilia and Juho first, spending couple of hours together and then spend the rest of the evening with Antti ♥ On Thursday I took the train to Turku and met my dear friend S. and her dog on the railway station. We baked Apple pie and played a bit with Wii.

On Friday our friend H. came from Tampere as well. We decided to go to movies in the evening and we went to see District 9. It wasn’t that good as I though it would be from some reviews I have seen. After that we had a sauna :) Ad my friend’s dog came with us and I though it was so funny and we decided to call him “Hot Dog” after that :D

On Saturday we decided to go to city centrum to shopping a bit. I found the most perfect jacket ever. But I didn’t bought it, cos it was a bit too expensive (50€) and I really don’t need another jacket :D I bough only one button to my old jacket instead :D After that we went to dinner at Red Hot Chilis. It was nice place and we were all so full. Then we watched Sex and the City movie from DVD cos H. and me hadn’t seen it before. It was ok. And then we backed chocolate cake :D And in the evening we played Wii as a drinking game :D The one who lost the match (what ever we played) had to drink up :D It was so fun :D

And today, Sunday, I came back to Jyväskylä. We didn’t have much time to do cos our train left at 13.05. I had time to raid my friend’s DVD collecion :P She has similar movie taste as I do, so I got 4 nice horror movies and 1 drama about Salem’s witch hunt :)

We meet again after couple of weeks, this time at Tampere :)

I’ve missed my friend S. cos we haven’t talked in a while. So today we talked and I was just going to ask her when I could come to Turku (where she lives) when she asked when I could come there :D So I suggested that I could go next week since I don’t have any plans for that weekend and my bf is busy with something else. So we made a plan that I could come there then :) And we manged to get our friend H. to come there as well! We always have good time with three of us :) The bad thing is that we all live in different cities cos of our studies so we don’t get to see that often. H. lives at Tampere so I get to meet her every now and then, but S. is so far away :(

I think it will be splendid weekend!

_{Oh! And tomorrow my friend E. is coming to Jyväskylä and we go to lunch together and later in the afternoon on coffee. And M. probably will join us too :)}

before going back to Jyväskylä, I met good friend of mine in Tampere :) We hadn’t seen whole summer cos she had been working in Helsinki. It was really nice to see her and chat with her and spend time with her :) Now when she’s back at Tampere again, we decided to meet more often.

I think I have been quite good friend with some of my friend, and not that good with some others. Friendship takes two, so I can’t blame (only) myself for not being in contact.

I had such a nice evening with my friend M. So what if she was few hundred kilometers away and we weren’t physically together :D. We watched tv together (two stupid reality tv shows) and commented and talked on MSN while doing that. And it was so much fun! :D That was something we did when we lived together and oh gosh, how much I had missed that! We decided to do that for real later in the fall when there’s starts some other crazy reality tv show and watch it together. Her boyfriend (and I think mine either…) doesn’t understand what’s so fun to watch these shows so it would be perfect do watch (and comment them) together. Like we used to do during the old days. :)

M. is so super fun and I am happy that she’s my friend :)

I think I have been pretty good friend lately. I have spent a lot of time with several friends. Today I made surprise visit to my friend’s place :) Last week I went shopping and movies with second friend. I went to drink and sauna with third friend. I also had plans to go sun bathing with fourth friend, but the weather got so bad that we didn’t. I also have asked couple other friends how they are. And last weekend I made my sister (who is also my friend!) really happy by coming to Vaasa :)

She told me that I am really great friend :) That made me happy :)

I wrote couple of messages to old friends of mine that I haven’t talked with so long time that it makes me feel bad. I said that I am sorry that we haven’t talked in such a long time and if they don’t want to have anything to do with me, I understand.

I guess it’s not only my fault that we haven’t talked. It always takes two. But I still feel bad about it. At least now I can say that I tried. And the next step is theirs. Do they have heart to turn me down?

....

I just got message from one of these people. I guess he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and he’s cutting me out of his life. I guess I can’t blame him.

I still feel that I am lousy friend. I think I should pay more attention to some of my friends. Why I am so lazy at keeping contact? Even I feel that every person I call my friend is really important to me and I appreciate them. I blame myself for not keeping contact even it isn’t always my fault; the email or phone works from the other way too! I am just so sick and tired that I should be the one who makes the first move, thought maybe they feel the same way towards me.

Sometimes I question those people who claims to be my friends. Why they want to be my friend? What they want from me? And maybe cos they aren’t keeping contact with me, they have noticed that they don’t really need me in their life?

Why this is so hard? Will I eventually lose all my friends cos I am so damn stubborn?

I talked with my friend who I haven’t talked with so many months now. It was nice to hear from her. I dunno why we haven’t kept contact. She had moved in with her boyfriend to another city and I didn’t know at all! And she barely know anything what’s going on in my life or what I have experienced in the past 6 month. I don’t feel like a good friend, but then again, she had the same chance to talk with me as I had. And she wasn’t interested…But I doubt that she wouldn’t want to be my friend at all. Time just goes so fast and cos we live in different cities, it’s sometimes just so hard to keep up. She’s probably the only one who I have know since the age of 5 (well we lost contact few times during this) and it’s sad that we aren’t that close. Well I think we are just so different. But I will try to be better friend so I won’t lose my old friends!

I have to get it out here. I try to be a good friend. I really try to. There’s this “friend” of mine…We haven’t seen in ages (well moths) cos he’s working and we just haven’t had much time to meet. Honestly, I am not sure does he want to meet me and be my friend at all. We tried to date, but it didn’t work out so we decided to stay friends cos we did have fun together and we have similar interests. But it seems that he doesn’t want to be my friend at all..Cos I don’t treat my friends that badly as he does me.

We chat every now and then cos we actually don’t see us often. So I asked him today if he would have wanted to go play tennis with me some time at the summer. And then he hesitated and said perhaps and told how busy he is. If he doesn’t want to, why he just don’t say that he doesn’t want to? What he is afraid of? That I am still trying him, even we talked trough that dating doesn’t work for us? Why we just cant be friends?

I demand honestly and loyalty from my friends cos I don’t take them granted and I always try to treat them well. For me being friends means a lot, it’s not friendship if he makes me feel like being air. It’s not friendship if he doesn’t take me seriously. I bet he doesn’t treat his other friends this way.

I really don’t how long I can continue this pretending. I try really hard to make this work, us to be friends. I just don’t think it’s enough :(