take care of myself

I have been sleeping more, and spending time with the people who energize me. In talking with Don before I left Smith for winter break I started more deeply realizing how much of a caretaker I am, and how unhealthy that is for me. Speaking with people who know me about my own unhealthy-for-myself habits helps me acknowledge and change them. I need to be more focused on my own health, both mental and physical, and not replace that with giving myself too much responsibility for the health of other people. Along with emotional improvements I need to start feeding myself better things and going back to the gym.

But I’m trying to really decide what I need, and then act on that. Like sleeping alone. Sometimes I need to sleep alone, and sometimes I need to hole myself up in a corner for five hours to finish a paper, and not talk to anyone, and sometimes I need to spend time with a particular person, for some particular reason. And I need to sleep more. And I need to eat more.


But I am planning my life around what I want to keep doing, instead of where others are heading. And I am trying to put my Self first, sometimes.