Clarify my values

Sometimes, I just like to review this list and these many entries to remind myself about what I care about.

I’m looking for a word that suggests the positive value of hope, but without any of it’s coercive or deceptive aspects, because hope can cause people to inadvertently resist fighting for what needs to change, and because it so often defers to some future time that puts the present moment and all it needs and requires in suspension, I don’t want to use the word hope – while preserving its affirmative aspect. I am looking for word that refers to the willful refusal to give up – which isn’t the same as hope. The word I’m looking for is orientated toward the future but rooted in a present struggle, a present engagment with trying to change what needs to change, with the project of “kicking against the pricks” – to borrow a phrase Phillip Larkin (who stole it from Shakespeare, I found out recently, which in context means a kind of wheel, I think, but I digress)...anyway, this word would stand for strength, resilience, clear-sightedness, determination, and faith, truth and humanity. It would imply an ideal and a practice at the same time. It’s an attitude, a perspective that is both compassionate and passionately determined. It suggests revolution, but in a manner that is smaller, more humble, more personal…I don’t know that word, yet – but I am keeping the ears of my mind open…

I’m not interested in defining myself or articulating my own life project in response to other people. I don’t want to live in a mindlessly reactive way. Doing so consistently throws me off course

Values: freedom, autonomy, individuality, responsibility, choice.

I’m grateful I can feel and appreciate the shape and meaning of things. I want to be able to share my appreciation and understanding with others, so that they can feel this too. Maybe that’s what a teacher is, or can be. I value learning above all things. To me, its the essence of being human. We learn. It’s how we survive. It’s how we communicate and grow. Given that I space such a high value on learning, I don’t know why I’m so resistant to being a teacher in some capacity. Maybe I just don’t think I’ll ever know enough. The idea makes me feel like a fake, and it scares the hell out of me. I value good teachers. I value wise council. I value wisdom, and knowledge – not the pedantic accumulation of it, but the meaningful interpretation of it. I value the spirit of generosity that is integral to any true thinking, feeling human being I’ve ever known. I’ve had good teachers and bad teachers. I truly value the good ones. Perhaps I can be one, someday. But I am making no assumptions.

I realize I’m going to have to work hard at being more consciously “optimistic”. Why? Because I need more positive energy in my life, and obviously, that starts with me. I’m trying hard to be honest with myself about my own attitude and beliefs. I tend to expect the worst. It’s true. I plan for it, which I know is prudent – but I have a hard time – relaxing. It’s true that we all have a moral obligation to be hopeful. I have a moral obligation to be hopeful. I also have a moral obligation to face the truth. I’m not exactly sure how to reconcile these obligations. They probably can’t be reconciled. I hope for a better world. I hope to be a better person, and to have something of genuine value to offer this world. I hope to be part of the solution. But I guess I really need to believe in that solution, and possibilities for it. This isn’t easy for me, but I’m really going to work at it.

fulfill potential; pleasure; experience; expression; connection; love
joy

autonomy

effort commitment joy LIFE

courage, consciousness, choice, reason.

progress, authenticity, honesty, courage, clarity, integrity, rationality