stop picking my skin

I was at the hairdresser’s this evening, my skin was finally starting to look a little less angry after a bad period of picking and I made a promise to myself that I was not going to pick any more. three hours later and I am sat here with a sore and blotchy face having spent half an hour at the mirror picking and squeezing and generally making a mess of myself. why.

I’ve picked and picked at my face today, until it looked so bad that I didn’t want to leave the house. Then I was left with a feeling of self-disgust. It was beautiful day. I had things to do. So why do I do this to myself?

It’s nine months since I last wrote an entry here. I’ve still been reading entries here fairly regularly. I didn’t make a conscious decision to give up on this, but I might as well have. Lately the picking has got very bad again. Constant. Deliberately in front of the mirror and as a nervous habit everywhere else. My skin is a mess, especially my chin, where it’s scabby, scarred and infected. It’s a vicious circle. I’m feeling very low at the moment, about may aspects of my life, and the worse I feel the more I pick. The more I pick the worse I look. The worse I look the worse I feel. It’s got to the stage where I have considered phoning in sick for work because of the state of my skin. I haven’t – which is probably as well as I would have just stayed home and picked. I don’t know how to get past this.

in fact the worst for a while. It was going ok until this afternoon, when I noticed that the lump on my chin had come to a head, so I squeezed it gently. If I could have left it at that it would have been great, but it’s prompted me to keep going back to the mirror and squeeze more and more pores. Ridiculous.

Tomorrow is a new day one. I’m trying to stay positive about this, allow it feels a little futile right now.

I ended up picking last night after writing my entry. I’m not sure what to blame (other than myself). I guess I’ve got a lot on my mind at the moment. Everything seems in turmoil. I was very tired last night, ended up picking a little, then went to bed and lay there unable to nod off to sleep.

probably because I was fairly busy. It’s the days when I am hanging around the house with not much to do that are hardest. anyway, I’m pleased with the way things were today, and feeling hopeful for the new week ahead. keep it up everyone!

and my reaction is to go and attack my skin. what is wrong with me. why is my self esteem so low that when I feel down I make it worse.
anyhow, I stopped, it was a few minutes. lets hope I can keep away from the mirror for the rest of they day.

Thursday was pretty good, but then I had a migraine and was laid up in bed for most of the day so picking was the last thing on my mind. Yesterday I let myself down a bit. I didn’t pick badly, just a couple of minutes, but I gave into the urge, had the thought in my head “you should stop this”, and ignored it. Not good.
Today is a brand new day – and I don’t want to pick.

again, not a totally pick free day but an improvement on yesterday – it’s really been minimal. I haven’t been thinking about picking much either which is good. Up until the weekend I was thinking obsessively about my skin, and couldn’t keep my fingers off it.
I had a relaxing bath and treated myself to a face pack tonight.
Let’s see if tomorrow I can manage to not pick at all.

a bit like yesterday really. My skin is looking a little better – though the scabs and scars are still there. I have picked a little, but I have been aware and stopped, which is an improvement. I’d like tomorrow to be a pick free day.