deal with my issues

while being much better understood
and most certainly are a lesser problem
unfortunately
rear their ugly head from time to time…

I have a firmer control over the release of
the destructive forces.

And unfortunately
when my anger is released, it is directed at others
and not at myself
as many do.

perhaps it would be less harmful
to direct these laser
beams at myself…

From my childhood, my experiences, my little detours to try and avoid them…

Ain’t it fun when you’re always on the run
Ain’t it fun when your friends despise what you become
Ain’t it fun when you get so high
Well… that you, you just can’t come
Ain’t it fun when you know that you gonna die young
It’s such fun
Good fun
Such fun
Such fun
Aah such fun
Such fun
Such fun aah
Yeah fun,
Just fun
Such…
Ain’t it fun when you taking care of number one
Ain’t it fun when you feel like you just gotta get a gun
Ain’t it fun when you just can’t seem to find your tongue
Cause you stuck it too deep into something that really stung
It’s such fun, ah
Well, so good to me, they spit right in my face
I didn’t even feel it
It was such a disgrace
I punched my fist right through the glass
I didn’t even feel it
It happened so fast
Such fun
Such fun
Such fun
Ah such fun
Such fun
Such fun
Ah such fun
Ain’t it fun when you tell her she’s just a cunt
Ain’t it fun when you she splits you and leaves you on the bum
Well, ain’t it fun when you’ve broken up every band that you’ve ever begun
Ain’t it fun when you know that you’re gonna die young
It’s such fun
Such fun [x 13]

cause hurt beyond belief to those they are directed at…

irrationality fueled by anger…

And ultimately the realization that a great wrong was committed…again

Maybe the last 10 hours were not so good…unless I learn something from them...

out of control…

I’m serious

I haven’t been able to think straight at times…

Sat down and talked with 2 of my friends…they calmed me down by mentioning all the negatives as compared to the few positives…

Thank God for friends…I was making stupid mistakes at work…things I NEVER do…

to download the text messages from my cell phone…I am going to post the response to some proof of what a monster I can be when I get mad…

I am like someone possessed…and it sucks…

I have conquered my jealousy and possessiveness issues…however, my anger that I try so hard to keep walled off is another matter…

Something that defies any attempt to water down once the right formula brings it to a boil…:(

by the fact that my current interest has issues just like me…but multiplied by 2 or 3…I may be shown the way to leaving them behind…and maybe I can help her…

but I’ve made progress that I would have never guessed….And I don’t think I can even grasp how huge this is…only time will tell how life altering the recent past has been…And the work that remains to be done…....

The very keystone of all my other hopes and many of my goals…..