I’ll post this for you.
Of course, you might never know.
Remember how you told me what an abusive asshole he was?
How he lived to make those close to him feel small
(Remember how my Mom was the same way)?
And then that first time I met him,
He told me privately how he was sure his daughter had told me what a BASTARD he was?
I told him,
I can make my own judgements
from my own observations.
Within 1 day I knew all you had told me was true.
He doesn’t talk to either of his daughters directly
and orders his wife around like a slave.
Ya, she has lung cancer too.
I knew what a fuck you were within 24 hours.
You watch your wife constantly so she can’t even talk to my partner on the phone?
We will dance on your grave you
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heaveemetal has written 107 entries about this goal
I’ll post this for you.
From about 1968 until 78.
Minusing and plusing some days weeks and months
I succeeded, crashed and burned, survived
hid, interacted, communicated, withdrew
and came out the other side.
Age 12 to 22.
I am glad I made it.
I wouldn’t do it again for any amount of everything
There are paths that could have been taken
that were more gentle.
Moods that could have been calmed
Words that could have been softened
Friendships that could have been continued
Lessons that were clear at the time
But were not heeded
But images remain
A stalker I am not
So it shall be…
Chance and events
history and memory.
Moments frozen in time,
those images preserved in mind
through the chemical process
of brain cells.
Maybe the possibility of
what could have been,
events that were and are now over
those that never happened
due to circumstances
But remembered all same…
And there is that alternative.
Changing course in midstream
and hoping for the best.
I know of those that wish to be not tied down.
I know of those that crave companionship.
I know of those that have denial.
And I have knowledge of those that want closeness.
If the chance presented itself
and the currents of time washed you there
why not see what happens?
And so it shall be…
We counted backward after
gathering all the facts.
Enough time to melt through the couch and through the floor.
I’m surprised I wasn’t talked to.
Never to be forgotten.
There is a lesson to be learned.
Or at least 2.
I will try my way…
The common ground that had drawn us together
over the course of time had weakened.
One had grown and become different.
More loving and positive.
While one had grown but stayed dark and cynical.
Being together had become unhealthy at times and may have affected one.
We can never really know.
I have my suspicions and regrets though.
While one seemed to glide
Another seemed to force
his way through life and difficult situations.
They say hindsight is 20 / 20.
But sometimes it is blind also.
The youngest member of her family once told me that I had made her the way she was. That fucking bitch.
Tomorrow, when I get a chance, I will tell her
If you have anything to say to me, now would be the time.
You see, they couldn’t accept that there may be a flaw that caused a person to suffer depression or illness.
They had to have something to blame.
And I will look deeply into your eyes when I tell you too
In my life, I have substituted The word me for you in many situations. Try to not obsess with the human flaw of self importance.
Ego. The bigger it is, the more possibility for friction with others.
Or so I have noticed.
If an obstacle appears, the path of least resistance is to go around,
Or ignore if not possible.
So much more relaxing than demanding something.
Almost as a sort of therapy to follow when possible
But then there are always the exceptions to what I have just typed
because folding or avoidance is sometime not possible…
And the greatest fun on planet earth at first needs to be studied and categorized. Research before, during and after use needs to be remembered. The original feeling should be weighed as to effects when coming down afterwards. And of course, the ever increasing amounts of intake needed to provide the same feeling as tolerance is built up.
Only the person using can accurately judge the time to walk away.
So many things to use. So many feelings to experience. So much money to spend. So much time to be wasted. So many combinations to try.
So much danger in the act of seeking that perfect mixture. Such a fine line between living and dying. At the time I lived this everyday, I would have marked WORTH DOING in the comment section. They say hindsight is 20 / 20. I would so put NOT FUCKING WORTH IT now.
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