Write or Talk

I don’t need a life, I have facebook !

Sweet sarcasm :)

After having posted an assignment on a forum and getting a comment, I realised how fun it was to have responses to your posts. You had to tell you that. :)

Wow! I just received an email about 43things.com! It reminded me that I should at least say a little something today !

I just finished my second practicum in teaching English as a second language. I did not really do great. The teacher I was paired with was a little bit too old-schoolish for me. She did not let me try what I had longed to try in a real-life context. What you learn at school can then mean something.. it’s still blurry. I tried my best at least. But I’m still looking forward to being in charge of my own class.. Two years and a half to go.. if at least I can a job right away!

My boyfriend and I are doing great. After some small troubles between us, we are doing better now. Communication is the key! We will soon celebrate our first year together. It’s gonna be next Thursday. We haven’t planned anything yet.. I have a lot of ideas, but still no time to do it.. I think we will put that anniversary on hold for the moment. But I don’t know what he prepared.. he always surprises me.. :)

I have a new roommate too. He’s my best friend. I have less trouble with him than with my previous roommates.. Things are going better. I can’t complain.. except for cleaning. But.. boys will be boys.. I just did not mean to raise a child when I thought about living with him.. Anyway.

I also got my driver’s license. 100%. Cheers! :D

That’s it! That’s about what happened in my life recently.. Thanks 43things.com for your support. :)

I’m in love..

As I said in a previous entry, I left my boyfriend (Ex-boyfriend now).

Do you remember the 3rd guy from my last entry..? He totally stole my heart.. He is so.. romantic.. and nice and.. I don’T know, I love him, I don’t kno why, I can’t explain it but .. that was not even THAT intense with my boyfriend (Ex now).

I feel bad anyway.. because I think I discovered that I was not fine with my ex-boyfriend when I discovered that I was fine, and in love.. with the third guy..

Love is such a cruel contradiction.. anyway.. I won’t cry.. I’m fine.. I hope I won’t be rejected by the third guy.. rejected as a lover.. or as a friend..

I guess I have a problem with relationship.. There are those 3 guys..

1- The first one is my boyfriend, I love him.. but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t really know me or.. that he doesn’t really love me.. that he loves how he is with me.. I don’t know if I’m being clear but I’m a bit messed up with my feelings about him.. There is also the fact that we don’t live in the same city anymore.. So I don’t see him very often.. We had lots of argumentation about that.. Like the last one, I was so.. frustrated! (Can I tell it..?.. YES? Anyway) I had like the worst day of my life, I was tired, and I didn’t want to talk about it, I only wanted to sleep. But he called me.. so I stayed up a little bit later.. but when I told him that I wanted to go and sleep, he got really mad! And he hung up on me.. anyway.. he didn’t talk to me for a week.. then he called back and told me: you’re changing.. (Why can’t he understand? Of course I’m changing! You cannot put me in a different school, a different city, without friends or family and expect that I won’t change!! But he doesn’t understand that everyone must evolve.. but that doesn’t mean that I’m a different person, I’m just somewhere else, in a different situation.. with different matter..) Anyway, he cried ‘cause he didn’t want anymore fight and blabla.. things like that.. but he cannot always put the blame on me ..

2- The second is my best friend. There is no doubt I love him and that I could give my life for him.. But I’m not in love with him, I’m pretty sure about that. The problem is that our relation is sometimes misinterpreted by others.. but even sometimes by ourselves.. I can talk about everything with him.. and I feel that I’m more close to him than to my boyfriend. I think he knows me better and he’s more aware of my needs and my passions.. I love my bestfriend! Love him, love him, love him! But I miss him so much.. :( I miss every stupid activities we used to do together.. Like last year, every friday, after school, we did the groceries.. I usually hate going to the grocery store, but with him, we could have stayed like 2 hours trying to figure out what was going to be the supper. That was the only matter! I used to be able to forget everything when I was with him.. and even our fight wasn’t really serious.. ‘cause we know each other.. and we also know that a simple problem cannot destroy our friendship..

3- The third! The last by not the least.. is someone new in my life.. but really new.. he’s like a 3-week friend (so far) but I love to talk with him, I love his presence and I love the fact that I don’t really know him and then I can discover him. And my god! He’s so interesting, and we have a lot of things in common even though we have, at first sight, nothing alike. I mean, he loves metal and old mythology.. we are just totally different. But I love him, I don’t wanna say that I’m in love but.. he’s different.. and special. I even shared with him MY things-I-Love list. And he thought it was cool! He knows that I’m crazy.. but he kinda likes that I guess.. I don’t know where this is going to go.. but I hope at least a good friendship has just begun.

I don’t know.. I’m confused.. and tired.. And I have now three guys in my life.. (As if one wasn’t enough…) and I certainly don’t know what to do (Is there something to do?).

GOD! I feel better.. And sorry, I know it’s really long (I didn’t know I could write something that long about these guys .. ) .. but Hey, you survived! :)

Today’s not one of those good days.. They seem so far to be reached.. They sure will come back.. but when? .. and How? I’m not always that sad girl, crying for no good reason.. But what usually makes me happy is out of reach.

I moved in Quebec city about a month ago. I left behind me my family.. my best friend, the little corner I love so much.. I’m here, alone, and nothing to relate on.. I’m lost, totally lost. I don’t recognize myself here..

I thought I would have been fine, I tried to look stronger that I am, but I’m just a little girl. I still need to have my parents approval and opinion about what I do. And I like when they ask me how was my day.. even if that annoys me so much.. I really miss them.. Some people will perceive that as sign of immaturity.. and I honestly don’t care. I wanna cry in their arms.. Or in my best friend’s arms.. It’s the first time in 4 or 5 years that we’re not in the same city.. That’s hard to handle. I used to do everything with him.. now I’m alone.. doing everything alone.. I remembered having complained about that because I wanted more space and I wanted him to leave me alone.. How stupid this was. I didn’t realise yet how precious it was to have a friend always by my side, whenever I would need him.. I miss him too.. :(

It’ll pass I guess.. like it always passes.. I got to wait.. What else can I do anyway..?