be true to myself

I am not lying to myself anymore.

I think I’m brave…
Am I?

Torn between wanting to please and duty,
And being the person I truly am.

Teetering between being a person of character,
And being a person who is forthright.

Imagining the judging faces…
Knowing I don’t give a rip about them…

Still I don’t want to hurt innocent people,
People that I don’t even know.

But I don’t want to be a liar,
bottling up the truth that brews inside.

It is a fine line we walk…
deciding when to sacrifice who we are—
for the benefit of who we love
and even the unknown lives we could harm…

I struggle with this,
Not knowing the answers,
Life isn’t easy,
But I’m not alone.

Each day stands separately and
Tomorrow is never guaranteed.
So each day I’ll do what I can,
With a heart that is kind.

...and my conscience will have to rest with that.

I was sent here to learn. All of my life, it has grieved me to hurt anyone at anytime…even if it were to my own detriment.

In the process of my attempts to build others up, still someone, somewhere, many times ended up dissatisfied.

It’s not even that I cared what people thought, because I have not been bothered by their judgments. I have just had an aversion to inflicting pain in the lives of others in any way. It has been a blessing and a curse because while my conscience has felt clear, in the process of avoiding hurting others, many times I have lost myself somewhere along the way.

In many cases, being true to myself hasn’t even been in the picture because of the distraction of worrying about the feelings of others.

I have come to realize that I haven’t been acting in an authentic way. My actions in many cases have not been genuine because of the distorted importance I placed on pacifying the feelings of others.

There are a few peoples’ feelings, very few that I will continue to place ahead of my own feelings in the future because I know that is the right action to take in these isolated cases…but I no longer want to engage in behavior that isn’t authentic. I want to be true to myself so that I am able to be true to others.