Be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and to have the wisdom to know the difference...

i’m thinking of going to alanon meetings. cheaper than therapy, perhaps I can find support to recognize what I’m doing to stay stuck.

this is creating alot of my stress, not accepting things as they are. my teacher tonight reminded me of how the seasons change, and nothing we do can stop that. no amount of struggling or protesting can stop the leaves from turning and falling. So it is in my life and work, I can learn to watch the seasons and adapt myself to them. The only thing I can change is my attitude and outlook. I am unhappy because things are not how I want them to be, but it is all out of my control. In winter, shold I protest and wear shorts, and complain of being cold Or….....put on my boots and jacket and make a snowman! Oh how I want to make the snowman. Tomorrow I can try again.

my company just lost our contract with the hospital where we provide services. We found out last Friday afternoon that we had one week left…....... this week has been a mixed bag of emotions, saying good bye to coworkers and patients, wondering “what next”. Observing corporate politics…....... seeing my own fear and panic arise needlessly. Actually, this is perfect timing. My fear is just a reflex reaction, it is not my chosen reaction. So I am noticing, observing and then realizing that it’s all good! I’ve been working up the courage to cut back, work less, take time for myself, this was natures’ way of pushing me to it! So, my next task is to really get serious about how to nurture myself so I will have the energy to take on a new and exciting venture, still unknown to me. I know one thing, I must read poetry and take some long walks!

right now, I am experiencing that pang of hollow emotional dispair. I think I feel a break up coming on, or at least a separation with my boyfriend/supposed fiance. I’m upset, so I”m certainly not thinking straight, and serenity is pretty far from here…... but God, please, let me maintain a small amount of dignity throughout hte next several months. must I completely unravel? I pray I only unravel half way…... that seems manageable. I have done this before, this is not a new situation, but it still hurts. It will take courage to change what I can, and let everything else go…...