remember that it is all temporary

on my booty call boy. I know it’s cliche, and totally the downfall of female hormones, but, it’s seriously scrambled my brain. Now I’m getting schooled in enjoying the moment, remaining open, and dropping expectations. It feels mind expanding to witness it all, and try to dissociate from the strong feelings that are purely hormonally driven. But damn he is sexy! I am indeed under the spell, and intend to enjoy the ride without any negative effects. This is the joy in being single after all!

he has no name so far….

I loved my friend
{S}He went away from me.
There’s nothing more to say.
The poem ends,
Soft as it began—
I loved my friend.
Langston Hughes

I found a great website on feline chronic renal failure,
This section on the emotional rollercoaster perfectly describes what I am going through.

“Emotional Roller Coaster

The progression of feline CRF has been compared to an emotional roller coaster ride by those who have gone through it, and, indeed it is. As time goes on, the sloping hills become steeper and closer together. There are up days and down days. Taking care of a CRF cat can be emotionally stressful, extremely frustrating and time-consuming for all involved. Your cupboards may be full of food your cat won’t eat. You may wonder how much you are hurting the cat by giving sub-Q fluids. When the time comes for medication and then even more medication, you may agonize over how much more the cat can possibly bear. Our experience with Avatar has taught us that cats can, indeed, put up with quite a bit. After two and a half years of sub-Q fluids and two years of three pills twice a day and the loss of more than a third of his body weight, he remained the lovable, affectionate cat he had always been.

In spite of your best efforts, your cat may become withdrawn and depressed. The first few times this happened to Avatar, we tried to steel ourselves for the worst. Each time, though, he bounced back (at least part way) and stayed at the new ‘plateau’ for weeks or even months. Each crisis plunged us into gloom. Each minor recovery elated us. Watching Avatar groom himself for a few minutes after recovering from one of his bad spells brightened our whole week. At first we considered each additional month as a gift, then each week and finally each day. Our efforts were focused on quality of time rather than quantity.”

let alone that of myself, friends, and family.
one of my clients once said to me “getting old ain’t for sissy’s”
I’m not even old, and shasta is only 11, but he was right. Life is not for the faint of heart. I seriously need to toughen up a bit, buck up, and keep going. I found out today my cat’s kidneys are failing rapidly. I will do an ultrasound tomorrow, to determine if she has an obstruction due to stones… if not, then there is nothing left to be done. even if they do find stones, it will entail some sort of horrificly expensive procedure.
We all have but a short time here, to live out our stories. Shasta has been catered to and pampered. She has had a great life, and given me so much comfort during these 11 years. She has been a blessing in my life, temporarily for some years. I appreciate her company so much now, knowing it may be coming to a sweet end soon.

I just started into the series and wow, it’s fantastic. I loved The War series done by Ken Burns also, but it’s fun to see it acted out. Seeing those soldiers at war, well, it just reminds me how wide open and blessed my life is.

It’s called How to Survive the Loss of a Love
by Melba Colgrove, Harold Bloomfield, and Peter McWIlliams.

Someone loaned me a copy after my divorce, then I bought my own copy, and I find it still soothes the pain of this break up, despite the fact I moved out three months ago, I still find myself grieving. I find relief in remembering that all these feelings are a process, and indeed temporary!

Well, what a crazy week. Started off with getting caught in a lie to someone I care about, which has been cause for much reflection…..asking myself some hard questions.. I see my own trust issues are not going away while I myself am not completely trustworthy. Something to deal with!

Work was so hectic this week….
but now with some wine, I am pausing to reflect and remember,
that it is all temporary.