celebrate my Southernness

(as if i needed one!)

They’re good for you.

or is this guy an idiot?

He wrote this article/editorial, “How the South Won (This) Civil War,” for Newsweek.

There’s an “E-mail the author” option, so i did:

_{I applaud Mr. Hirsh’s succinct presentation of the changes in political demographics within the United States, and much of what he wrote in this article/editorial resonated with me, as a liberal. However, as a Southern descendent of Scots-Irish immigrants, I had difficulty putting aside Mr. Hirsh’s own jingoism to get to the heart of his message: several times, I found myself wanting to stop reading the offensive, polarizing stuff. For example, statements such as, “The outcome was that a substantial portion of the new nation developed, over many generations, a rather savage, unsophisticated set of mores,” felt like an attack on me and on others who share my background.}

If Mr. Hirsh is trying to persuade an audience (other than those with “a more diplomatic, communitarian Yankee sensibility”) of the validity of his assessment of the changing political climate, he would do well to avoid language that implies that every person from a particular region of the United States shares the same “coarsened sensibility,” and that certain regions are clearly superior to others. It seems as though Mr. Hirsh’s editorial was intended for persons who already agree with his views and who hail from certain regions of the United States.

Mr. Hirsh may wish to avoid polarizing language that assumes that everyone within a certain demographic shares the same political and cultural views, if his goal is to affect the opinions of elements of this demographic.

Thank you.

A Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.

A Southerner knows how many catfish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”

A Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”

A Southerner knows how long “directly” is, as in, “Going to town; be back directly.”

Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

A Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!

Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.

Southerners make friends while standing in lines, . . . and when we’re “in line,” we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, if only by marriage.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _{(Really? Y’all don’t say this other places?)}

Southerners know the meanings of “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it—we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, “Bless her heart” . . . and go on your way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, . . . bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin’ to have classes on Southern as a second language.

And for those who are not from the South but have lived there for a long time, y’all need a sign to hang on y’all’s front porch that reads, “I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”

Well, you can see her walkin’ down on peachtree street
She got high-heeled shoes and a dot on her cheek
She’s lookin’ good, she’s headed downtown
Ain’t got no money, honey
She knows her way around
I think she’s cute, think she’s cute as she can be
Talkin’ about a funny talkin’, honk-tonking Georgia peach

Well these Georgia peaches
Son they know their way around
They can take your money, son before you get sight of town
Well they talk a little funny, but they look so fine
Nine out of ten of them gonna sell you a dime
I think they’re cute, think they’re cute as they can be
Talkin’ about a funny talkin’, honk-tonking Georgia peach

Well, peaches, peaches
Love them Georgia peaches
Well, peaches, peaches
Love them Georgia peaches

Well them Georgia peaches
Sure do got the style
They’ll steal your heart with a southern smile
Well they talk a little funny, but they look so fine
The older they get, I swear its like good wine
I think they’re cute, think they’re cute as they can be
Talkin’ about a funny talkin’, honk-tonking Georgia peach
Talkin’ about a funny talkin’, honk-tonking Georgia peach

I just seem to fall in love with the wrong things

-Lynyrd Skynyrd

some boiled peanuts (courtesy of a beautiful Southern goddess of love!) to work today.

We had a little work get-together Sunday, and i mentioned that a friend was sending me some boiled peanuts. Someone asked whether you eat the shells, and i explained that, no, it’s kind of like eating edamame. Then, all became clear to them.

Ironically, if i were to serve edamame to my family, i’d have to explain how to eat it: “Kind of like boiled peanuts.”

I just love living cross-culturally!

There were about 20 of us there. Our instructor started by going around the room, having each of us tell our name & department. When i finished, she asked me where i was from (“Sa-outh Carolaaahna”), then, in a Southern accent, she apologized & said that she always lapses into the accent when she hears it (drama background—very expressive that one is!). A few minutes later, i realized that i was the only person about whose origins she had inquired (and i thought sum o’ them other folks talked raght funny, m’self!).

This sort of thing seems to happen to me at least once a week!

pepper sauce in this city . . . only a month and a half late to put on my collards for New Year’s!

My problem was that i was looking for it in grocery stores in relatively affluent areas. For some reason, i happened across more Southern food when i went to a gorcery store that had a cop hanging around the check-outs. I also found a different brand of pickled okra than i’ve been buying at my more “gourmet” Giant Eagle. It’s not as good as the first brand, though :(

I asked somebody to do this the other day, and he looked at me like i was speaking a furn language. Do people with accents (i.e., non-Sountherners) not use this phrase?

I’ve never had any that looked like these, and i’m not sure that i’d want to.

But when i was a little girl, during the summer, we would go sit in the back yard, slice a melon, put salt on it, and just get covered in that sweet, sticky juice. I’m sure there were mosquitoes hovering about (since i seem to be a magnet for them), but i don’t remember any.

Then, when my ex was courting me, the weekend after our first date, he brought me a watermelon. He went to his parents’ house in Lyons, GA, the next weekend, and brought me back some Vidalia onions (Lyons & Vidalia pretty much merge into each other.). The following weekend, he made me some boiled peanuts. I was smitten. _{Silly me, but it does make for a good story, and a good lesson for any man trying to woo a Georgia girl. Sweet tea works, too, though, especially in these northern regions to which i am temporarily exiled!}

Magnolia tree . . .

and a close-up: