fight my depression with all I have and can

I’m writting this off… By turning inward and investing some time in myself I noticed that all my problem was is I was letting my anxiaty and fear control me and then that started a vicious cycle.

I’m going to work on that from now on.

Sometimes I have days where I don’t feel depressed and others where I am…

the days that I do feel blah… is whenever I have an issue, before I couldn’t have cared less but these past few months I noticed that I wasn’t as nice as I thought I was or great….its fuct up how I used to perceive myself and how I see myself now.

When I took the time to watch myself with an outsiders eye, what I saw was a girl who can be really great but can turn into an ice-princess as soon as things don’t go her way. I see a girl that has issues with her past, present and future… I see someone who shows an unbelievable amount of patients one moment and then other times I can be so impulsive I end up falling right on my face. I see a person who doesn’t trust anybody because of that I end up lifting to much weight on my shoulders to get things done. I See that I can’t have a relationship with anyone, not that I want one I’m dead afraid of committing myself to someone special, because it doesn’t seem worth it.
I have extremely high standards for myself and even if I have lower standards for others its still a little high for a lot of people because the line I have crossed for people as a standard even if its lower then my own its still very high for most people. And I don’t want to be anal, i want to be care-free, happy, easy going, patient… have a positive outlook on life and choose positive things to do and think