stop procrastinating

well, since my last entry in which i was convinced i was going to fail completely, i’ve got a D in Philosophy, a B in Psychology and Literature- commonly acknowledged to be somewhat remarkable- and, most incredible of the lot, full marks in Language. my grades have been all over the place, covering everything from A to U. the college has phoned my parents up to tell them i’m skipping lessons, and in the end-of-year report my homework, attendance and attitude have been flagged as causes for concern. i’ve currently got “only” 3 overdue essays and a piece of coursework, a huge improvement on last week’s 10 essays and coursework. oh, and exams start in 3 weeks.

it’s something of a vicious circle- the more stressed i get, the less likely it is i’ll actually do any work. anyone else have this problem?

AS Psychology and English Language exams tomorrow. i started revising tonight. i know the Psychology but i’m not confident in the slightest that i’ll be able to do it in the exam. i haven’t even started English, but i’m supposed to be gifted so hopefully i can wing that one. at least i can resit another 3 times.
one day, i will get a proper revision schedule together and stick to it. i’m sick of underachieving and stress and panic.

i can’t stay focused. which is bad, because i have one piece of coursework, two commentaries, six weeks of work to catch up on in four subjects, and exams this Thursday and next Wednesday. i’m going to fail :)
when i stopped up all night to finish my Music coursework last year and still handed it in a day late, i said i’d never let this happen again. i hate college and i want to drop out, but that’s not an option and it’d be like running away. anyway, i really want to go to Uni, but… i’m terrified of how i’ll cope.
hate this life. the pressure doesn’t stop.

i think my procrastination is perfectionism-based. it’s causing problems with stress, coursework and revision for my AS’s, so i need to sort it out but i have no idea how. i’m getting almost phobic about English. it sounds stupid and noone’s taking me seriously but it’s really starting to get me down; i think procrastination and perfectionism are partly behind some other mental problems i’ve been having. i don’t know.