Believe in myself

!
(though not sure “why;” maybe I do, but may be too personal – or too ‘damaging’ to a social ego.)
☺ 7.45

☺ 7.35
May explain later…
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Pacman scores like 10,910 & below are a real drag on the old ego, (can’t make it to level 2?! AHHHHHHH! “This sucks buttermilk!!).
Fortunately, I had thoughts such as: I must be getting better (can’t get much worse) bc I’m practicing, & that usually helps, and after several a dozen or so severe losses, I happened to think, hey I’m getting down on myself, maybe there are some optimistic thoughts this is all fodder for.
I also happened to think: Hey I’ve been thinking this is, (supposedly), an easy game; it is a simple game – maybe deceptively simple! Maybe this shouldn’t be easy, and I’m going to have to trudge through & past my lazy thoughts & assumptions, dang-it!
And some of the web pages have a version that only shows your final score for, like, ½ a second – which forced me to not scream and pound on the desk so I could mentally note the score before it disappeared; which gave me a second to think about a better mental reaction as well; (sometimes, (*&#&#^%#!!).

...and getting caught before catching any ghosts!! ugh

Galaga – that was the game! Once you had a double-ship, you could virtually obliterate the aliens before they could even set-up and attack!
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compared to how it felt waking up a couple times last week, it felt like a too-heavy blanket was no longer over me.
I immediately noted that sometimes it’s not there; it’s not ever-present.
☺
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We’ll bump it up to 7.2
☺
(This should’ve been done last night, but I was elsewhere, & tired.)
[Note: the 6.99 on the last one… don’t look into it too far… these things just happen. (Even around multiple chicks.)]

Edit: now a 7.25
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(Or something like that.)
Saw part of a PBS show – I thought it was like a judge starting a alternative school. I think that was what he said in the previews.
Anyway. it kind of dings a bell, thinking, “if they don’t matter… if they don’t matter… if they don’t matter;” several times throughout the day. I look around, and remember, and rearrange puzzle pieces, I think I can see things a little clearer, seeing how people may not think they really matter – (and not just the trouble-makers).
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This one may do.
http://favim.com/image/655322/
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I was laying in bed feeling depressed this morning, (3 P.M.), and I remembered that most people who feel depressed are most depressed in bed, waiting to start the day. So I said to myself, “Self, get thee out of bed.” ☺
So I got in the shower, remembered my dream of fighting-off an army of Buddhist monks, (the four-year olds “weren’t so tough.”)
I even kept in mind my deep thoughts from the night before; trying hard to get to sleep, and trying desperately to figure out the whole Universe-thing; on the edge of sleep, I got the distinct sensation that I was the framework for several different empty people.
Then when I got out of the shower and got into the kitchen, my left-over pizza turned-out the perfect temperature & smelled great. I even thought-up one of my top-ten funniest jokes✧ – “Man, it’s gotta be hard being a Jewish prophet – make one mistake and they’ll kill ya! Heck, they’ll even kill you if you’re right!
{Jesus}
✧[part of one of my other top-tens ended up on James Belushi’s show ☹ (but not the best part of that joke!☺)]

Edits:
First: WOW! six cheers (in a row)! Thank you, guys!
Second: “I was the framework for several different empty people.” Might have been “I was the empty framework for several different people.” (Still a strange feeling.)
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p109 the sad are wise; & the pessimistic are accurate on knowledge/admission of degrees of control.
p110 memories of childhood are accurate. (Actually I was kina hoping I might be wrong on this.)

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I’ve always been down on myself for being such a slow reader.
I keep remembering a study that was done on college kids, that those who had better comprehension could usually be quicker at getting back into the train of thought in their reading after a distraction.
I wonder if that could be learnable. So I’ve been trying to remember exactly what I was reading when returning to it.
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