idkbrblol is doing 43 things including…

learn to live w/o the pain of the past or fear of the future

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idkbrblol has written 6 entries about this goal

not sure where to put this, either

Once in a while I think of this show about reincarnation; one of the stories in it was of a young boy in or near Great Britain? To make a long story short, when they took him to where he said he lived – (actually to “one-last” house after all “similar” houses in the area panned-out false), he started getting very quiet as they were getting closer. When he got out to look a the house, he seemed irritated and wanted to leave.
It makes me wonder how children really view the world – with such small bodies, how much do they internalize that?
And how might a mind or soul deal with changing from a 6-foot, 200 lb world-view, to something very small? How would that change if one thought he remembered familiar things very much different.



in fear; believe.

(I couldn’t call it “believe in fear,” now could I?)

Been thinking a little about how fear can shut us down.
Just how effective & far-reaching might this be, (mentally, physically, etc.)?

Some scientists say that there’s a lot of “dark matter” & “dark energy” out there. What I’d been thinking is that “out there” meant way far away. But maybe not… maybe it’s right here too!! It could be interacting with us! It could be part of us!!! We could be much bigger than we suspect!
But to believe that we can’t do this, or cannot be that … that could create a self-fulfilling prophecy!
We’ve got to believe; especially when fear grabs us.
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group therapy

I started group therapy, and was not fitting in as well as I’d hoped for, as they all have more in common. I was thinking that instead of waiting for a chance to speak up and share a new “problem” or aspect of life (I usually wait too long), I should just hand the therapist a piece of paper at the start, with a few of my thoughts on it that I’d like to address.
I’d had a similar thought before, but this time I thought, “No, that’s a cop-out. I’ll just get out of my shielding & be more present there with them & be more at-the-edge, spur-of-the-moment, unguarded, proactive &...” [it’s hard to put words on this feeling… put your hand on your chest and breathe out. Notice the position of your hand, now breathe in. Your hand feels much farther out. Okay don’t really do it cuz it doesn’t really work, haha; just imagine doing it. That workds better.
(It’s just a feeling of being bigger, anyway.)]



just a quick thought before bed...

(wasn’t sure if this should go here, or in my “philosophy of action”)
It seems (so I’ve read) that part of the difference between an adult’s thinking and a child’s thinking has also to do with certain brain chemicals, (the kids don’t have all of them yet). And these chemicals allow a person to think in abstract terms, (e.g. monsters are “monsters” ...if I understand that right).
Anyway, for years and years and years, I’ve felt like I’ve been on a search – a quest – for the “Truth” – the grand psycho-social-physical-spiritual bedrock from which I can safely defend (or maybe attack).
It’s occured to me that that “Truth” is a “concrete,” (child-like) mentality. Perhaps “growing up” is a grasping that my truth is just as good as anyone else’s, and that there really is no bedrock; so we have to learn to trust and depend somewhat on others, and give and take. (And maybe even allow them to be wrong – even about us – sometimes?)
Just a thought. Good night.



Consider deeply my most beautiful thoughts

I’m thinking about making this an “official to-do,” rather than just writing an entry about it once. Here is a dream I had – one that I would like to spend more time purposefully remembering:
“A very tall man with a group of misfit wanderers grabs me by the forehead, and proceeds to read my mind and memories. I feel ashamed at my past thoughts and deeds. And if he can read my mind, he knows that I think he’s very ugly – and almost ‘alien.’ And now he’s done reading my mind. And he seems okay with everything; almost ‘pleased.’ Then he says he’s going to give me his thoughts – they are fuzzy at first, but then they focus and rush in! They’re beautiful – full of possibilities and hope and choices. And then I begin to fear – there is so much to risk. And he is done. I stand stupified – staggered, facing the choices that are bigger than me. I feel like I’m standing in a doorway a mile in the air. And I am still awed by the possibilities, and I am trying to find the belief in myself. I struggle so hard I can’t hear him and the others speaking.”
(Then there was the time I was kissed by an angel!
And the time I felt like I was about to recieve my halo!)
These should be considered.
.
I ran upon a quote the other day: “Life is 10% of what is given to you…and 90% of what you do with it.” ~Anonymous
.
Edit: I guess I should give credit where it may be due: I think that last quote is from one of thos big mega-church preachers. (I don’t think I like him.) But it’s a great quote for me. (What do I do with that.)



just live in the Now

I learned some mental exercises to concentrate on what’s happening now. I think they will help the more I do them.



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