After a night of no sleep for fear for her she showed up tonight and we had the best conversation that we have had in years. She told me that she does want to talk to someone and that she knows that she is co-dependant and that she does want to do something about it. I told her that after being in counseling for awhile that she will look at him like yesterday’s newspaper. I know from experience. Who do you think she learned it from? She told me that she is looking forward to that. The road ahead is still bumpy and unseen. However, I feel more hopeful than I have in years for her. Thank you Lord for the hope. It is amazing how little of it is needed to carry on.
ihaveneatstuff has written 33 entries about this goal
“that is part of the disease love. when he loves you your world is perfect. when he doesn’t love you your world is falling apart. if i can find you someone to talk to would you?”
a silent nod from my oldest. God please help me help her.
my oldest friend is thinking that my oldest has suppressed anger. anger at me. not the me i am now but the me i was then. that and a lot of fear.
2:12Kym
she tells me that she doesnt’ want to “stress me out” but the truth is that if she shared her life with me she knows i sould not agree with what she’s doing and that i would tell her so. she use to lie to me about it. now she just doesn’t tell me.
that’s why she won’t tell me what is going on.
her heart…
it’s beyond broken…and now it’s just plain calloused.
she is so far from feeling love. she has lost her moral compass. i am so afraid for her.
2:13pmBrenda
her lies are not to decieve you as much as it is to decieve herself
2:13pmKym
she is intoxicated with the emotional cesspool that joe and his family swim in
yes
she lies to herself much better then anyone else
2:14pmBrenda
she mooches because she is angry
she has so much unresolved anger at you and others
2:14pmBrenda
and she is not letting it out
2:15pmKym
how do i get through to her?
2:15pmBrenda
you are going to have to give her permission to go there all the way with you
2:15pmKym
what can i do?
2:15pmBrenda
and it needs to be off
away
from kids and fam
2:15pmKym
she won’t do that
she won’t do anything with me. any conversation i try to start with her she immediatly takes to anger mode so that she can storm off with out hearing me out.
2:16pmBrenda
you need to give her permission
2:16pmKym
to be mad at me?
2:16pmBrenda
and keep giving it till she is ready
it won’t happen right away
2:16pmKym
okay
i’ll do my best
2:16pmBrenda
it will take time to work out her anger
its just her fears about the past
and honestly
she is probably severely in crises about who she really is
or is suppose to be
but i promise you
2:17pmBrenda
this is unresolved anger
2:18pmKym
i’ve tried and tried to get her to get counsling
2:18pmBrenda
the cries for help and self destructive behavior will get worse until she deals with this
she needs to scream
she needs to hit something
she needs to get it out
but where
and honestly
if she gets others mad enough
they will hit her and in some sick way
it lets out a little of what she feels
though not in a healthy way
2:19pmKym
ouch
2:19pmBrenda
all it does is shake the bottle
she is getting others to do to her what she wants to do
not necessarily to you
but to her life
2:19pmKym
i would do anything to help her
2:20pmBrenda
and the situation at hand
2:20pmKym
go to any length
2:20pmBrenda
you might just need to start looking at this time as the door to that
i believe it might be
you might have to be sick at heart for awhile till you get to her.
2:20pmKym
explain
2:21pmBrenda
i believe what is knotted up inside her is all about you and her
2:21pmKym
i have been so mad at her lately
2:21Brenda
she wants you to be
because if you are mad at her
then she can let oput her anger at you
out
i mean
she’s scared
you need to seperate you and her from you and your mom
she needs to see that as two different stories
2:23pmKym
so i need to forgive her and tell her how much i love her
2:23pmBrenda
and she needs room to say anything to you
2:23pmBrenda
see this behavior
as a festering wound
not angry at the nOW you
2:24pmKym
we have always been able to talk about anything
2:24pmBrenda
but at the PAST you
she is just like you kym
JUST like you
see her through your young eyes
what you felt then
2:25pmBrenda
and how you would respond to the now you
you have got to go back to then and remember how you felt
when you were where you are
and purhaps you need to write it down
and let her read it
2:26pmKym
she hates letters
i just need to tell her
2:26pmBrenda
no, she doesnt
she doesnt hate letters
and you can tell her
but she needs something she can read over and over
2:27pmKym
okay
2:27pmBrenda
it will not go in at first
2:27pmKym
i will write her
2:27pmBrenda
you need to be really transparent to her
painfully honest
2:27pmKym
example
please
2:28pmBrenda
she sees herself in you and she is angry
she does not feel as strong as you
she does not think she will overcome her shit like you did
and right now she doesnt care to try
2:28pmKym
but she can!
that is obvious to me
2:28pmBrenda
it is easier to be angry at you and at her life than to try
she does not care what she looks like to you or others on the shallow
because she hates her self
everything red eyes tells, told you
2:29pmKym
that breaks my heart!
2:29pmBrenda
he tells her while he is intimate with her
and she believes him
2:30pmKym
i must do this!
2:30pmBrenda
but she is not open yet to the spiritual warefare thing
2:30pmKym
i’m going to go now and start putting this all on paper
2:30pmBrenda
she will roll her eyes at red eyes tales
because he makes himself look different to her
yes
ok
i will be praying
2:31pmKym
how can i copy this so i won’t forget it?
2:31pmBrenda
,eave it open
dont close it
and scroll back
and highlight sections
2:31pmKym
you are so smart!LYF
2:32pmBrenda
copy ans paste to an open wicrosoft page
or call me and i will ask God to give it to me again as you need it
2:33Kym
she is just like me. she is doing so many of the things that i did wrong. she hides her life from me. we fight all the time. i hate it. i have to do something!
Me: It’s my job to teach you guys how to clean.
Jimmy: If we were an ordinary family my mom would be teaching me how to clean.
God speaking through me: “Jimmy, anybody can be ordinary. There is not one ordinary person in our family. We have all battled our demons. We have battled the devil and won because of the love of God and his grace. We have pulled together tightest during the toughest of times. We’re no ordinary family. We are an extraordinary family!
I ask you: Wouldn’t this make one of the best sermons ever?!?
Daughters by John Mayer.
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me
Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made
Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You’ll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman’s good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
and I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t even know if I’m the one who should make it better. Some of the things that she is doing are blowing my mind. Where do I draw the line? When is my “helping her” becoming what is hurting her? I am scared. I do not want my fear to rule my actions. I need to hold fast to my faith. I need prayers.
(Like you could pick just one right?) is that actions speak louder then words. Her actions, my actions, everyone’s actions speak louder then their words. It’s one of those “I don’t make the rules” rules. It doesn’t matter if you want to believe it or not it’s still so.
Worth The Read!
3900 Saturdays
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a
Saturday morning is most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.
Let me tell you about it.
I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way,I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business He was telling whomever he was talking with something about ‘a thousand marbles.’ I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say..
‘Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It’s too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital’ he continued. ‘Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities.’ And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a ‘thousand marbles.’
‘You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.’
‘Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I’m getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail’, he went on, ‘and by that time I ha d lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.’
‘Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.’
‘There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.’
‘Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.’
‘It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!’
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter.
Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. ‘C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.’ ‘What brought this on’ she asked with a smile.’ ‘Oh, nothing special, it’s just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.’
A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend.
And so, as one smart bear once said…’If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.’ – Winnie the Pooh.
Mat sat.
Sam.
Sam sat.
Mat sat. Sam sat.
Mat sat on Sam.
Sam sat on Mat.
Mat sat. Sam sat.
The End.
My sweet Sarah just read her first book to me and her Daddy. IT WAS SO COOL! Such a blessing that girl is to us! She’s only five and yet the impact she has had on our lives is indescribable. I’m so glad that I am present MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY to enjoy these milestones! I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:
SOBRIETY ROCKS!
It has been so sweet to sit and drink the honey-lemon tea and eat her home-made potato soup with carrots (which amazingly resemble water) and talk with her. This is one of those wonderful moments I am so glad to be present for. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Sobriety rocks!
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