If I could have I probably wouldn’t have done the stupid thing I did and worked it out here. No, it is WAY too long a story to get into now! Oh well, spilt milk and all of that… Me and Michael have been together pretty much 24/7 since we got together nine years ago. I moved into the same building as he lived in. I had a window washing business. He went to work for me, we befriended each other, fell in love and have been together in work, play and life ever since. He went back to school so that he could change our children’s lives. Now he’s graduating college and our lives are changing. I thought that we would be separated by his work for the first time since we had started. However, I am happy to report that we will not have to deal with the separation issue just yet. He’s got a job that he can work from home! (I’m thnking God for the internet and virtual offices!) I might even be able to move in on it and help him! We could make ALL KINDS of money! ALL that crying and fear for nothing (just yet anyway). Is it not cool how the Lord takes what we need and what we have to offer and wraps it all up in a pretty little package with our names on it?
ihaveneatstuff has written 5 entries about this goal
it was one of the days that I will treasure the rest of my life. Leaving tomorrow to go home will be tough as well. I know that once I board that plane I will never see my Grandma again. At least not here on earth. She comforted me with that fact today. “You know where I’ll be and I’ll be waiting for you.” I am so thankful that I have been given a chance to say good-bye; given a chance to tell her how much I love her and that I will miss her very much.
Most don’t get that chance. My mother-in-law’s grandma died in her sleep . She never had the chance to do what I have done today. It’s funny, I have been so stressed about this day. I couldn’t sleep. I had no idea what to say to her. I felt so much guilt about the things that I could have done better with her. However, when it came right down to it, none of that mattered. All I wanted to say was, “I love you so much Grandma and I’m going to miss you very much.” It was enough.
My fear? That I will not be here as long as I would like to be. To live without that fear requires that I have faith in the fact that I will leave things better then I found them and that the love I have for my family will be remembered and passed on. Everybody knows that no-one can do as good a job as you can. How will my children get on with out me? Who could possibly love them more then me? NO-ONE…save you Lord. You love them more then me. All I can do is the best I can with what I have where I am. Let me tell them everyday how much I love them. Let me be the example that I want to leave for them to follow. Give me the courage to trust that you will help. Help me live the life that will make the stories that they tell of me worth passing on for encouragement, for posterity, for the love that carries on from generation to generation. Help me make the most of the time that I do have.
She was only 16 when she got pregnant. She asked me if I could take care of him until she was ready to be a mom. I said “Yes, absolutely!” Then she had married this asshole that was abusive to both of them. He wasn’t abusive at first mind you. Just after he moved them away from their family. When he got out of the navy they moved back here. She had the foresight to give my grandson back to me even though she wasn’t strong enough to leave her husband herself. I’ve had him ever since. She has since gotten stronger and left him. The divorce went through last month. Now she has moved into a new house. She is getting ready to get him back and I’m afraid. I’m afraid to let go. In my head I know that he needs to be with his mom. I know that. But it’s so hard letting go. I know that he is her son, not mine. I can do this. I know she can be a good mom. I need to let go and give her the chance. Lord, please help me with this. Please be with the both of them and guard and guide them as only you can.
The only things said more then that is “Love the Lord…” & “Love one another…”. “Do not be afraid.” There has got to be a reason that’s the third most said phrase in the bible. I will not let my fear rule my decisions or my reactions. I am stronger then my fears.
