be more social

i’m going to mark this goal complete because this has become natural to me now.

today at the soup kitchen i talked to the other volunteers with chelsea and it was fun. i was glad we talked to them because we were sitting together so i didn’t want it to be weird.

and then at the store i asked the lady at the counter a question and she was so cute because she was super excited about what i was buying and said she wanted to get one herself. her enthusiasm was what really caught my attention and we talked longer than usual. =)
it’s nice to have a bond with people, whether it’s liking the same thing or just being in the same place.

i’m doing so well with this goal i’m so proud! it makes me so happy.

i call people all the time now, like crazy. and i just talk more in general, i say whatever comes to my mind and it makes me feel so real and like have alot of character, i’m so social now.

this week was amazing.

i had a fulfilling week without seeing my boyfriend everyday and without my 2 old best friends who i’m trying to peel myself away from.

i’m so happy. that i can still live without my essential people that i rely on all the time.

it’s all good. i finally feel like i’m really living.

i made a really good friend today.

i was just happy because if you really let go around someone then they feel like your best friend. all my close girlfriends were like friends but not best friends, they wouldn’t share stuff with me and they’d just keep their distance and rarely talk about girly things or only talk about an obsession which i didn’t share.

she only lives like 2 blocks away, we went to get pictures today and everything. she’s just different and real, i could talk to her about anything she’s real easy going and funny too. =)

i know i can talk myself out of anything.

but i can also talk myself into anything. =)

i’ve picked up the phone more than usual lately and there’s that split second or in my case 2 minutes before you decide to press the ‘send button’ and my mind has told me every time i’ve dialed a number to follow through with calling it. and i have. =)

this is such a hard goal for me. i just don’t think i can be consistently social or enough that makes me completely happy. just keep trying and trying

today today today, i went to thursday at the square w/ chelsea nd we drove there, and the car stalled in the middle of the parking lot haha cuz it was on manual for a minute, but everything else was good. we only stayed for a little bit but chelsea saw a lot of her friends/ my friends and i saw matt nd his gf.

all around it was a really good time, and me and chelsea could walk around and hold our heads up and not feel awkward at all. i was glad i went with chelsea because everyone seemed to know her haha. i wish i saw more of my friends thereee. lol

i think i’m coming out of my self dug hole of isolation. i’m making plans with friends, and am no longer intimidated to call people. i realize that noone really is out to judge me and that i make things more complicated for myself. i realize that just because i look bad one day my friends will still talk to me. i’ve also accepted babysitting jobs and talked to nice parents the whole car ride (b4 i’d probably decline). tommorrow i’m goign to a big social event where just about everyone hangs out. i’m making plans with friends, callign them if there’s a problem and taking people’s “sures” as yess i really would like to do something wtih you.. that’s the thing i think you really have to motivate other people to do things maybe instead of waitign on other people to contact you.

sometimes i just get so caught up in what people will think of me and how much different they are then me but that’s not how i choose to live anymore. i’m making the real effort to not judge people negatively before knowing them. it’s easier to judge someone negatively and then not get to know them. sometimes i think people are just so larger than life, that they’re better than me and i get scared. but really we’re all the same we’re all human.

i just want to be able to walk up to anyone and be confident to say whatever i want no matter how weird or silly or awkward i could imagine it’d be.

i think being social has a bit to do with who you hang around with and what kind of people they are. i have too many friends that play it safe. i just want to make sure i live without regrets. i’m getting there though =) i’m doing more of what i want to do.

i love people. today i had a beautiful social interaction and i just want to record it because it made me really happy.

me and jake enter spot on elmwood and jake ordered a drink.
then i noticed a kid i knew ivan playing chess at a little table, and oh my gosh the table was soooo tense, but finally ivan’s eyes strayed and he saw me. at first i waved. me and jake sat down & it was fun because i smiled at him when he looked up and he smiled back =) even though his smile faded quickly into focusing on the game. the chess table was so tense it was creeping me out, none of the people said anything to eachother and you could tell they were strategizing.

anyway, i made a bold move, because i wanted to talk to ivan. so i walked over to this table that is dead silent and everyone is staring at me, but i said “i can’t leave without saying goodbye, it’s soo tense over here, anyway it was nice seeing you” and ivan seemed real nice about it =) and his face turned all red so i know he cared i said something. and i’m glad i did, because i do know him, and i have talked to him many times so why shouldn’t i have said anything. i’m just proud that i handled the situation well and did what i wanted. =)