I have been careful as I resume my diet.
I wanted to know if all dairy bothered me, or possibly one of the main protein fractions in milk, whey.
An experiment today has shown me that whey certainly does bother me. Whey contains two of the main milk proteins. (I had whey that had no lactose with it, as pure powder, carbohydrate-free.) Now I can see whether or not I can eat hard cheeses, which have hardly any whey in them. That would make my diet a bit easier if I can. They do contain casein, another milk protein, so if I am sensitive to that, then I can’t have any cheese. They have very little lactose. I don’t know if it could be lactose that bothers me as well or not, but that’s also something I could test.
Pickles don’t bother me, though! :)
And learning a lot about what has been going on with my body and my health for some time now. This was a valuable use of my time, I think.
I have not been as productive in some ways as I would have been, for sure.
On the other hand, if I don’t get a handle on these things that are going on with my health, I will not be able to achieve many of my other goals. If I am tired all of the time, and get bad colds 2x/month, I will not be able to train myself for a half-marathon or really work as hard as I want to in a new job … or for that matter, look for new jobs while holding down a temp job (I’ll be too exhausted every night when I get home.) I won’t be able to work + run or yoga + look for a job doing what I love + practice my meditation, and that’s how I view my life over the next year. That’s what I picture, and what I am working towards.
I’m rebuilding, and it’s one small step at a time. Which feels good. Finally, it feels like I might be able to be fully healthy again.
I am on the second day. It’s going fine so far.
I knew this would be fairly easy for me.
And… this actually makes me realize, that as far as my top goal goes (increase motivation/will/discipline), perhaps I am too hard on myself. Because the truth is that in certain areas, I am an incredibly disciplined person, and have always been. For example, things like this fast are easy for me. Also, when I was very sick and had to undergo a very difficult treatment for a year, it was not even a question in my mind as to whether I could complete it. The medical staff would keep telling me how difficult it would be, thinking I was not understanding them. But I was understanding it completely. I just knew that I could and would handle whatever happened without any question.
Another example – the first time I did a monthlong residential silent meditation retreat. Once again, the staff at the retreat were shocked at how I did it. I did not have much experience at all with anything like that. The longest I had done silent meditation had been for a weekend – twice I think – and not residential, so those were just for the day for two days. I did not think anything of it, until I realized that it was true that compared to the others what I was doing was outside the norm. All of the others doing a monthlong retreat had contemplated that kind of thing for years before doing it, fearing the difficulty of the undertaking, and had much more meditation experience with long term sitting practice before undertaking it than I had. The fact that I had been able to do it and had been transformed by it in the way that I had was indeed something to take note of.
Other things too – when I have work, or am doing work in a setting that has some structure to it – I can be one of the hardest workers you will ever see. It is when I have to create my own structure though… that is when I struggle. And I am a creative type in many ways (a creative-analytical is what I would say), so I need to have space outside of structure, and need to learn to manage it, and to create my own structure around it. That takes discipline. So, that’s really what my goal is about. It can be very difficult for me to do simple things if it is just up to me, when I have completely unstructured time around me. Figuring out what to focus on; not having expectations that are too large, too unattainable, or too far in the future (the creative dreaming); not letting fear get in the way; and working to get momentum moving in the direction I’d like it to be moving again after a pretty rough year are all of the things that will help me with my motivation/will/discipline goal.
How it makes me feel.
And if it alleviates any of the symptoms that have been becoming increasingly difficult to manage.
Not ready to start quite yet, but feeling pretty motivated!