live in the moment (unless it's a really crap moment, in which case live in the past or future)

where i ended up having a battery of medical tests including a ridiculously expensive brain scan MRI (and no medical aid doesn’t help) which i will be paying off for the next 12 months – literally.

won’t go into the whys and wherefors but in the end the tests were all normal (of course they said my brain is of incredible size and quality ;)) but still having the nasty symptoms so it’s all a bit frustrating, but i guess it’s good to know nothing truly bad was lurking in there.

bring on better moments….

so i just got in from the pub with my friend avalon.

usually, we go out and she gets chatted up and i watch football and maybe talk to one or two people.

tonight i got chatted up by a very cute boy with very pretty eyes, who was all of 21 years old.

once he found out we are both over 30 (well avalon is 30) and had kids we expected him to bugger off but instead he got really comfortable and even had the boldness to put his hand on my leg several times, despite avalon’s giggling at him.

and, AND, when we left he asked when we would be back, took my hand and moved in for a snog! HAH! I turned my head so he hit the corner of my mouth and then went for my neck but hey, it has been a while since a boy of 21 tried to kiss me, perhaps 4 years at least.

i know it’s corny but he was pretty and i was in need of some sort of boost and it did the trick.

:)

the ex is coming home from the rig tomorrow and i need to use the rest of this month to make a decision about our relationship. whether or not i want to be with him. i feel extremely conflicted about him and i have no idea what my decision will be, ultimately. the temptation to live in a remembered past or a fantasized future will be very strong. to be fair to myself, to our son, and to the ex, i have to focus on the time with him and not escape into my head to avoid making the decision.

_{i am actually bloody scared}

it’s 20 to one (in the morning) and have to get up at 4.30 for the final airport run… and i’m still awake and starving (all john lee’s fault) ... so i’m eating cheese.

which means i’ll have weird dreams and wake up exhausted.

just got an email off someone who called me ‘Beautiful’.

coming from them, it was really lovely.

it’s 2.45 am
i’ve pissed someone off and now they won’t talk to me.
begging is not working.
it’s raining too hard to get back to sleep

i’m hereby going to live in the past cos right now the future is a tad bleak.

in the last 7 days i’ve been attracting all sorts of attention from men – but wait, that sounds better than it really is.

3 married men, one of which hit on me at a kid’s birthday party – his wife’s one of my good friends. then 2 more yesterday, including another friend’s man. This is why single girls don’t get invited to stuff – not cos we flirt but because the husbands can’t keep their hands to themelves.

Then some well-dodgy emails off 2 other men, also married.

on top of this the Ex is on an oil-rig off Angola, clearly feeling sad and bored cos he’s emailing me soppy stuff too…

Maybe it’s cos i’m happier than i’ve been for a while and giving off happy hormones or something.