I take a step forward each day

That place is so special. It has been my inspiration. My weekly walks never fail to instill a sense of beauty, wonder and positivity. I have received the seeds of so many songs and solutions to problems up there and I am so grateful. I needed to walk out of the funk one foot in front of the other.

Funk BE GONE!
Thinking positively appears to have some sort of “spring-back” effect. I took two enormous leaps forward and a step back. The true cause of the funk is probably the state of my relationship with B, but that’s been going on for so long, it seems a cruel joke that it should have such an all-encompassing effect now. Anyway, back to being positive, there are steps that need to be taken in order for this girl to keep moving forward and tomorrow I will do something LARGE towards at least one of my goals here. Possibly selling the car or planting the vegie garden, since those are the two things that make my heart sink most when I read the list again.

now waiting for the psychologist to call me and make an appointment. I thought I would feel positive about this step, but talking about all my problems and having someone else say “this isn’t normal” has actually left me feeling flat and depressed (which she also said I am at high risk for). Now I’m just itching to get to the psych and make some decisions…

Have definitely been doing some back pedalling the last fews days :( Actually more like a slide down a slippery slope! Trying to be strong, but my partner (however unconsiously) wants me to stay stuck – too big a payoff for him. I am enlisting help – made an appointment with the dr next week, for referral to the psychologist. So I guess that’s a step, right? I think I’m still going in the right direction!

I want to keep moving forward, stop procrastinating and daydreaming about what I want. I’m going to MAKE IT HAPPEN, by making sure I do something every day. Create something, try something new, make that phone call, write that sone, push myself and take a step each day.