Overcome my OCD

This is a daily battle. I have moments when I cannot specifically remember the last ritual I completed. That is usually brought on because I find myself in the middle of a ritual. I try to keep my stress under control. When I am overwhelmed, it takes over. I am taking it one day at a time. I have improved. I can fight it better than I used to. I am positive that it is tied to stress management.

It pisses me off that it takes 7 years to complete this goal. Why 7? Way to go with helping me out.

This has become so hard to deal with. My mind keeps going back to my rituals. It is so much harder to fight when there is so much turmoil going on around me. I hate it! It makes me feel so weak. So many times I think about how it got started. I wish I could go back and change those thoughts. Change those habits. I had no idea what I was doing. I did not even know it was a problem for such a long time. It took a traumatic event to realize what it was. I do not know how to distract myself from this. It is getting worse.

i just marked one goal off the list. i now have a number of goals which is not divisible by my number. it will bother me but i will see how long i can keep this up. i will try to mark things off the list until i’m one goal away from a multiple of my number. at that point, i will add another goal. this is the plan. we’ll see what happens.

it’s pretty tough. i remember needing to do these things since i was very young. my earliest memory of it is around 8. it drives me nuts. my boyfriend thinks i’m a weirdo. a few weeks ago, i f’ed my knee up in an accident. i couldn’t walk so that prevented me from doing some things. i couldn’t walk down three flights of stairs to go check a lock. it’s a struggle to keep myself from freaking out. here’s the thing. it may seem irrational to others, but i know for a fact that there are times that it has saved lives. i definitely get annoyed. i count all day long. my steps. pieces of food. if it’s not divisible by my number, i count it until it’s a multiple of the number. i know why i’m like this, it’s just difficult to stop it.