Figure "ME" out and be truly happy with my life

Life isn’t what I want it to be right now. Work is ridiculously boring, drum corps isn’t thrilling at the moment, I’m drowning in clutter, I miss the theatre and I miss my friends. Everyone lives so far away. I hate being so lonely.

I know that I don’t want to be in retail forever. Hell, I don’t want to be in retail now. But I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Everyone and their brother thinks I should be a teacher. Do I want to be a teacher? I’d love to be a yoga teacher but I don’t think I’m qualified or skilled enough yet to do that.

I desperately want to be an actress and a writer but I’m really scared that I have no talent for either. I do have an audition on Sunday for a play, which I’m really looking forward to.

I’m also worried that nobody’s going to come to my birthday party. I made a facebook event for it, and so far only my friend Andrew has RSVP’d yes for sure. I have 11 “maybes” which is driving me slightly crazy. Doesn’t anyone care?

The summer theatre program is all finished, and I’m sorely missing the theatre. I’m also really dissatisfied with my current “real” job. I feel like I’m going nowhere.

Right now I’m also going through Disney withdrawl. I REALLY want to go back to work for them. Sigh.

I have a part-time job that I love, with a second part-time job starting in two weeks. I volunteer at a local theatre and I’m volunteering for the Fringe festival this upcoming week. I’ve also been invited to learn to play the mellophone and join a drum and bugle corps. I have a treatment for a play I want to write, and I’ve got a mountain of cleaning to do.

I’ve always been a busy person, but I don’t know why I keep piling it on. Thing is, I’m really enjoying everything I’m doing right now.

Don’t know why I wrote all that… it just feels better getting it out.

My life did not become a mess overnight, I cannot expect to clean it up overnight.

I would like to have a boyfriend. But I need to realize that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy, successful, and content. My friend Tim said that a relationship should be like the hot fudge on a sundae… not necessary to the sundae, but it’s something extra that is pretty awesome. But the sundae’s still great without it.

All that sundae talk is making me hungry.

I think part of the reason why I’m clinging and needy is really just because I’m really, really bored right now. I shouldn’t need a guy to be my source of entertainment. I should be able to amuse myself. Apparently guys enjoy getting together to stare at the wall, burp, drink beer, and play video games. Other than the video games, that sounds like a helluva boring night. So I what I do need, is to do something better to amuse myself.

Something to think about.

I might…
- start my own business
- move across the country somewhere… to British Columbia, or California
- write a screenplay, or a novel
- tell him how I really feel
- throw out all my excess possessions without feeling guilty
- get rid of all the clothes that I really don’t wear and stop feeling guilty
- really, stop feeling guilty in general
- buy an RV and roadtrip across Canada
- go camping and outdoor rock climbing
- vacation at a really ritzy resort
- go skinny dipping
- buy a really expensive designer dress
- learn to purl (and knit something other than dishcloths)
- travel to Paris, or Marseilles, or Rome…
- start my own theatre company and/or film production company
- make silly short films with my friends
- get my teeth fixed
- have a really extravagent spa day
- tell certain people in my life to F@#$ off
- ask my dad to go on a vacation with me, without his girlfriend (whom I absolutely love, but I wish I could spend time with just my dad once in awhile)
- live out of a suitcase for a while (I love travelling!)
- go to Disney World at least once a year, with different people who haven’t been there before so I can show them my world ;)
- buy a saxophone and play again
- learn to play the piano
- learn to surf

Will add more later.

I think it was “make the most of my 20s.”

Either way, it’s so true for me right now.

http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html

Just so I remember.

...what makes me happy. I’ve been really thinking about what I want to do with my life, what I’m supposed to be doing, and if I’m really achieving what I’m supposed to/want to. I haven’t come up with many answers for that yet. But I’m definitely trying new things and learning along the way. Since I’m on a list kick, I’ll make a list.

1. Spending time with my friends.
2. Trying new things (like rock climbing)
3. Reading a good book
4. Learning different ways to improve myself and my surroundings, such as eating healthier, recycling, de-cluttering…
5. Meeting new people (and hopefully turning them into new friends!)
6. Taking photographs of everything :P
7. Writing in my journal

That’s all for now, but I’m sure I’ll think of more later. For some reason lately I’ve been feeling very young and unsure of myself. I’m 24; should I really be in this stage of self-discovery? I’m pretty sure that should have been occuring during high school, but I was definitely too stupid in high school to understand any life lessons that I should have been learning then.

I hosted my first birthday party at work all by myself, and it actually went really really well. Much better than I expected. I was really really nervous, but it turned out to be a lot of fun, and I’m really proud of myself!