have another child

If my fiancee keeps his promise, we can TTC our second child around December 10-15th. It’s hard to trust him since he has changed his mind many times about big decisions. I can’t picture him letting me down, but I am still nervous.

I don’t get it. You either want a child or you don’t. He keeps saying he’s on the fence. He’s worried about losing freedom, money, time, etc, which is dumb because I did 90% of the work with our son. I breastfed him exclusively. He never had to prepare bottles. I did 100% of his baths. I washed all the diapers. The most he ever had to do was get them out of the dryer. He was in a band, practiced once a week and still had his gigs every Friday. He did ALL this while we had a baby. It’s not going to change! I will do everything for our second child that I did with our first.

And yes, we can afford it. Our income has increased by $40,000 per year. Of course, we have the expense of a new house but I’ve also paid off $14,000 in credit cards and student loans since our son came. WE SURVIVED OUR SON, so how would a second baby be so much harder?

The worst thing is I’m not allowed to talk about the baby AT ALL because every time I bring it up it pushes him away more. Whatever!!!

... and say he’s “unsure” about a second child. He said this 3 months before we were scheduled to start trying for the second. I had everything planned and was so excited. I am furious and depressed, but in order to get him more “ready”, I have to shut my mouth and pretend I am not angry at all. He wants us to just be happy for a while, and then he can start thinking about baby #2. I’ve had my career on hold for many years. We own a house, have savings, both have good jobs, and yet he’s unsure. I have no clue how long I have to wait for something that was already promised to me, and he refuses to talk about it because he said it pushes him away more. Talk about emotional extortion. I will update.

I want a second baby like I’ve never wanted anything before!

My son was very unplanned. We were never excited about it until after he was born and we fell in love with him of course. But I don’t know what it feels like to have a planned, happy pregnancy.

We are putting up an offer on an adorable 1000 sq. foot house with hardwood floors and a huge yard. I really really want this house! I am marrying my son’s father in 369 days and THEN we can try for our second child.

So the second baby will probably come in mid to late 2010. It’s going to be so hard waiting for that baby! I want to do all that newborn stuff again, like breastfeeding and using those cute little white cloth diapers. I miss it soooo much!

In order of importance:

1. Make more money as a freelance bookkeeper. $1000/month is my goal, or about 4-5 clients.

2. Marry Numan (he fathered my son).

3. Buy a house in 2009 with Numan.

4. Go off birth control on my 30th birthday.

5. Have LOTS OF SEX with my new husband.

6. Get pregnant, let baby cook, push baby out (home birth!).

7. Force new husband to get vasectomy, because I hate taking BC pills.

2 is the perfect number for us.