We had a long period of bad times. But I have not been this happy in months.
The whole relationship, I was moving much faster than him. It took him almost a year to love me, and at 1.5 years together he’s not ready to talk about marriage. Given that we had such an awful winter together, I am letting this go for a while.
We are both in our mid-thirties. I don’t have the time or drive to wait forever to see if someone wants me permanently. I know in 6-8 months I will be ready to walk if we are not progressing.
I am so happy now. He’s so wonderful and I love him!
March 21, the first day of Spring, exactly 4.5 months after our first date, I told him I am in love with him.
He didn’t have a reaction. He just sat still for a long time. We were both really quiet. Then I said “you probably already knew that” and he said “yes”.
I said it while he was really depressed and crying about how stressed out and unhappy he is, so I wasn’t expecting him to come back and say it to me. He also said he can’t get intimate with anyone while he feels that way.
Perhaps I felt more “safe” because I knew he wouldn’t say it back because of his state of mind.
I won’t stay in a relationship indefinitely without these feelings being reciprocated. If he doesn’t feel the same in a few months, I will move on with my head held high.
Good news is that he didn’t seem scared. He didn’t push me away. Still, I feel a little vulnerable and I broke the ‘rules”. I am a little mad at myself, but also I am happy that I was authentic with my feelings, and I was 100% sure about them. Plus I was really really sick of holding it in.
I met someone new. He’s amazing. It’s only been 8 days since we met, but I hope he’s the one!