cultivate friendships

Good lord I’m sad. I spent the last several weeks feeling so excited for a reunion of what I like to call my soul friends. So Saturday night came and we had an amazing fun, inspiring time. We spent much of Sunday together. Lots of reminiscing. LOTS of laughter. It felt like vacation. I can be be completely myself with them. With the exception of my partner, I haven’t found anyone in the last 5 years that I can relate to like I can these friends. I’ve been looking because I think it would be nice to be able to trust some people the way I trust them. I’m rambling. I haven’t had my coffee yet. As soon as they drove away last night, I started crying. Those whimpering, effortless tears that always catch me by surprise. I’m so sad we don’t all live in the same place anymore. I keep telling myself there is a reason for everything and maybe we don’t know yet why we haven’t ended up in the same place again. Maybe there’s still growing to do. I don’t know. But I’m sad.

So excited for this weekend! Years ago, I had a close-knit group of friends that became like family to me. Gradually, the dynamics of our family began to change and break apart and life, choices, circumstances, necessity… moved us apart. But we knew, all of us, that we were lifelong friends. This weekend we are having a reunion of sorts. It will be the first time in nearly 5 years that we all will together and the timing could not be more perfect.

I invited two friends along on the spontaneous weekend adventure Joey and I had yesterday. I also invited them to an event we will be attending on the 16th. I learned people like to be invited even if they are unable to go. And I like letting people know I am thinking about them.

I will now answer my phone when friends call me instead of letting them leave messages for me to call them back. That’s such a selfish way to behave. I need to give of my time and energy, not just when it’s convenient for me. I will be a better friend.