be strong

change is hard.

in the last 2 months, I’ve felt torn, heartbroken, judged, unloved, abandoned, alienated, alone, unintelligent, ugly, unworthy, guilt-ridden. I felt I was going to die, break down forever. I broke down several times, cried more than I can remember, I even tried tarot which all seemed to point to ugly things in my future, but I’m still here, and I’m fine.

Being strong is helpful in many ways; it’s important when you’re feeling lonely, because you need to be strong and go on doing what you have to do. It’s helpful in making friends too, because if you’re strong internally, you attract people towards you, and you can be yourself without changing to fit other people and undermining yourself. If you’re strong you can get the necessary stuff done, and face moments of difficulty with more confidence (understand that it’s just a moment which will pass, stay neutral, etc).

In my case, I feel a bit lonely right now. I have made one friend here, but she’s not a very close friend (yet) and she doesn’t hide that she feels that I’m not as close to her as another friend, which is fine, but I need to see her less in that case (we’ve been hanging out every day pretty much) because I can’t be the best of myself all the time, I can only hang out that much with someone who knows me really well and known me for a long time.
I should also try to hang out a little bit with other people, nothing scary, just a little bit from time to time. I need to be more courageous, but also smart; seek out ppl I sense I will get along well with. tbc

must not feel bad because of unpleasant flatmates. relax and do what I want, dont worry about pleasing everyone.
join some societies and clubs, and meet up with different people. dont be afraid to be alone sometimes.

because it wasn’t a healthy relationship. It made me feel isolated from other people, it caused me to lose confidence in myself, and it made me unhappy. Now I feel I can be stronger.