live my life on my own terms, not trying to live up to the expectations of others

On a positive note

my being vegan often causes me to be more on the outside of things- causing troubles with family meals and such that used to be fine, when I wasn’tvegan.

But I’ve been working on a poster for a presentation on veganism (for tomorrow) and my mom was watching me put together the poster and type out the quotes and analysis and such. She started asking questions- she was genuinely interested, and it opened up a discussion on veganism and what it means to vegans and how it affects the daily life and that it often is a political statement. It was quite nice to be able to talk about veganism without being attacked or feeling like I was being threatening towards the other person. Phew. I’d like those to happen more often.

“You know, when you graduate from college, you’re supposed to find a paying job.”

Now, I’m not quite sure how you meant for this to come across, but hearing it, I felt quite…inferior.

I’ll be volunteering for ten months in New Hampshire following graduation and I’m quite at peace and content with it.

I don’t need a job right now. GAHHHHH. There will be decades for that later. I’ll be working full-time- it’s not like I’ll even be slacking. Gah.

Whatever.

So I mentioned to my mom last night my plans with City Year. I didn’t even mention it was my number one plan. Nor did I mention the fact that I had been seriously considering LA and Seattle just a few weeks/months prior and that she was pretty lucky I switched to New Hampshire.

She wasn’t thrilled. New Hampshire’s so far away.You can’t commute, can you? No, it’s too far. What are you supposed to do- live there? When am I going to see you? How are you going to afford that? yadda yadda….

Mom, thank you for caring. Thanks for wanting to see me and all. But this is my decision. I’m nearly 22 years old. This is a decision I’d like to make for myself. I know you’re just concerned, and I’m your youngest child and the only one left that’s semi-nearby that could possibly move home. But I don’t want to move home. I love you but I feel confined there, is all. I need my space, and it’s time to move on.

Hopefully, you’ll come around. I know you will. But it would be nice to be supported in something like that.

Since I turned vegan (or really since I first mentioned interest in it), I’ve been getting gruff (read word “gruff” like an older frustrated canine would) about it-

You’re not getting enough protein.

You don’t eat enough…

EWWW you’re going to eat that?!

Just the whole you can’t possibly get enough nutrients deal.

Mind y’all, I pay very close attention to the state of my health. And I don’t like my life style and my decisions being accused- I wouldn’t make a huge change in my life style without first thinking it over.

When I go out to restaurants, I don’t tell the wait-staff that I’m vegan. I don’t feel like I need to explain why I’m asking if the soup has milk in it, or the vegetables were grilled with butter.

I used to explain where I got each and every bit o’ protein, iron, zinc, etc- and even pull out a chart- a dietary assessment I did on my eating habits to back it up.

But sometimes, I just don’t feel the need to. I’m sad that sometimes some people are mis-understanding of my dietary choices, or that they don’t approve of it, but I am not changing my ways. Sometimes my family tries what I make and when they do, they usually like it. But sometimes it takes them a long time to even try it. Support is nice, and sometimes I wish I had more of it, but I’ll make do with what I have. I try to make dishes they might be interested in trying. I know it would be more convenient for the family and for family gatherings if I wasn’t vegan, but that’s not the point.

Edit: This is nothing against people who are genuinely interested in dietary differences. They are always welcome.

“I intend to listen to my own thoughts concerning my life. I’ll be receptive to advice, but I’ll do what my conscience dictates, even if I come across disapproval. “

I am willing to accept that not everyone will agree with how I choose to live my life. I only ask that they respect my decisions. I live my life according to my values. They direct me. If anyone questions my decisions, I have well thought out answers if only they are receptive to hearing them. If not, I do not plan on wasting my time being upset or disappointed

because

My own state of mind and well being is independent of the opinion of others.

My own state of mind and well being is independent of the opinion of others.

It’s okay to cry when you’re feeling down, when you’ve have a bad day, when someone you care about dies or is hurt. You don’t always have to be cool, calm, and collected. I’m human, too. Humans have emotions. They have feelings. It’s okay to express them when you need to. That’s too bad if others don’t understand.

It’s okay to follow your dreams. Actually, its recommended to follow your dreams. Learn how to explain them to others, but keep in mind – they won’t always accept or agree with them. And that it’s important to not let that bring you down.

Just finished reading “The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It – And Mean It… And Stop People Pleasing Forever.”

And I recommend it to anyone who feels like they’re always saying yes at their own expense, always getting sucked into doing things they don’t really want to do or don’t really have time to do it in, and they just need to learn to stand up for themselves… in a confident and assertive, yet respectful manner. It talks about saying no in dozens of different scenarios. Very neat.

I’m going to try my hand at saying no to things that I really just don’t want to do or just have no energy left to do.

Let’s see how that works…

It’s never okay to disrespect others.

Remain respectful of others and the lifestyle they choose to live, even when it seems they do not deserve it.

It’s also okay to

Feel sad or to be in a negative mood every once in a while.

It’s also okay to

Remain in a good and happy mood
...even when others around you are in a pessimistic state of mind.

It’s also okay to make mistakes
...just remember to learn and to take something from them.

It’s also okay to disagree with others
...just be careful not to attack them.

It’s also okay to let your inner child out sometimes – it’s okay to jump in puddles and giggle and play on jungle gyms and dance like nobody’s watching.

It’s always okay
to be yourself.

Always.

It’s okay to say “No, I don’t think that this is the best thing for me to be doing right now. Maybe at some future date, but I don’t feel that I am ready.”

It’s okay to say “I would love to help you out, but I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. Are you available at all next month?”

It’s okay to say “No, I’m not interested in your product, but thank you for taking the time to ask me. I appreciate it.”

It’s okay to say “Gee, I’ve had a really long week and I haven’t had five minutes to just sit and be in a long, long time. I think I will just go and take a walk, even though I am supposed to be at a meeting right now. I would not be productive there if I went. I will rejuvenate myself and jump in to help at the next meeting.”

It’s okay to say “Please don’t pressure me to do this. I do not like force and I am not comfortable with where this is going.”

It’s okay to say no.
It’s also okay to say yes.

You must “live your truth” as my aunt puts it. I will not let anyone tell me what to do. I need to stand up for myself and be who I need to be. I’m sorry if some people don’t accept that or if they want to bring me back down to their level, but I’m not interested or willing.