Weigh 150 pounds

WOW! That’s skinnier than my sister who’s always been skinnier than me’s weight when we started this contest! (she was 151.5, I think. OH CRAP I think she was 155.5!!! WOW!)

So that is fabulous news… Although I found out, was happy (slash disbelieving) and proceeded to have 1.75 servings of Cheez-Its, and a few handfuls of tortilla chips. Luckily I had counted up the cheez-its before eating them, so I knew the damage, and luckily I left the tortilla chips in the cabinet and had to get up and walk to the kitchen to have them. I didn’t go too overboard—tbh I ate a total of 674 calories yesterday—but it still kind of sucks. And I had a realization about my binges that might make it easier for me to control them next time…
First of all, I was sad after I ate all that stuff because I had wanted baked cheetos at work yesterday far more than I wanted the nth handful of tortilla chips—if you restrict, don’t undo your efforts with empty calories.
Also, I noticed the only way I can really binge is while reading (or watching TV/ a movie). It’s because I rationalize with myself, ‘hey, it’s not so bad—tasty, huh?? Now go back to reading, you.’ and I agree with the evil voice and then look up and realize I’ve distracted myself into submission. I’ve fooled myself, and my greedy id goes along with it, smiling stupidly and pretending not to know that it’s doing something wrong, because it tastes good.

So! From now on! if I’m dying for a snack, NO. If I use that as rationalization later on (“You deprived yourself of baked cheetos!!”), recognize it and send it packin’. ALSO, don’t do other things while eating (perhaps impossible—I can’t do that without feeling anxious and bored).
ALSO! Maybe prepare some foods in advance so next time I say, “well I need to finish this book by tonight for book club, I can’t possibly cook!” I can just toss something healthy in the microwave rather than succumbing to chips.

WOW! I feel like a biggest loser contestant, the way I’ve lost weight in the past few days!! :D That’s because when I weighed myself this morning I was…
152.8!!!
Yes, that’s a 1.3 pound drop. And to all you haters saying that it’s not real weight (I’m talking to you, little voice in the back of my head) WHATEVER! I’m definitely visibly lighter than I was before, I look a heck of a lot better, and (this is probably from kicking cigarettes) I breathe easier and don’t get out of breath so easily.

I felt queasy and weak after my shower this morning, and thought it might be because of the liquid fast I’m doing. Maybe, maybe not. I often feel that way in steamy circumstances. ;) ;) no, no, NO I mean like saunas or baths or previous showers. But I had the target brand slimfast for breakfast this morning (it’s actually kinda high-cal for a drink—170 calories—but packs in a lot of vitamins, some fiber, protein, and calcium) and I feel 100% better. Speaking of vitamins, or things that are like vitamins but I don’t know exactly what they are (amino acid? nutrient?) it’s recently come to my attention that maybe I should make a half-hearted attempt to get more protein, based on my results for this quiz. According to this, I’m type 2: Protein Type. cool. It’s funny because a lot of the physical questions (easier to answer than “do you have good digestion or not”—what’s good digestion?!) were a dead runner for #2. Red face: check. Thin fingernails? check. Watery saliva? Check. In fact, I find the idea of ropey saliva appalling. I’ve seen it in porn, at least, and I was QUITE turned off. (AT LEAST I THINK THAT WAS SALIVA!!!)

Anyway, enough blabbering. 152.8! 2.8 away from THIS GOAL’S OFFICIAL DEATH!

Ok sorry to have so many posts in one day (I think I just apologized to the empty abyss of the internets) but insane news!!! Despite overeating like a fiend I somehow weigh… Drumroll… 154.1!!!!!!!! That means I lost more than one pound since I weighed myself last!!! And that was after eating dinner!!!! I burned 170 celebratory calories dancing and cleaning. Can you believe it?! Wow, I can’t! Four more pounds and this goal is done!!! That’s not too hard anyway! One pound every two days (doable given my previous history) means that by Friday this goal will be dead. Yep. That means another liquid fast.
Rules:
Drink one gallon of water a day. (possible??)
Have enough fiber
Have soup for dinner
Have breakfast shake
Have tea for lunch.

That soup of mine is a lifesaver because it is so filling… I calculated the calories with the sparkpeople recipe thing and the whole thing had 340 calories… and I don’t think it’s humanly possible to eat all of it (it’s huge). So that’s an 80 calorie dinner that fills you like a 700 calorie feast. Thank you nepal!

But I’m not ashamed!!!! No. I had my famous Nepalese egg and turmeric soup, which basically tastes like spicy eggs floating in water. But it’s delicious! In its own special way.
I bought some ankle weights at walmart today (yay me for enabling an evil corporation!) and am wearing them. But they have the effect of making my legs feel… heavy!! I feel like not moving a bit with them on. lol!! Oh well.
Also I had three tortilla chips.
Ok the big thing to remember is: if you think you’ve messed up, that’s the first winning battle of the War on Being Fat. It’s about how you act afterwards that really matters. It’s eating the low cal soup and asparagus that makes you thin, not the pointless moping or regret.
So keep it up, self!! You are already winning—you’ve already won. Just bide your time and keep eating right, and you WILL be thin; you’ll be everything you’ve ever wanted to be.

well, time now to reaffirm my seriousness about losing weight!

I overate by an estimated 900 calories yesterday (thank you, insane amounts of chocolate and Burger King food-orgy…)
Also I had a cigarette! D:
So today I will limit food accordingly to make up for it. Had breakfast, lunch… no dinner. (yeah, right.)
Also, CLEAN ROOM as exercise, and… maybe take a long hike.

I have an idea. This is groundbreaking. I am a self-love fiend… if I eat any junk food in a day, I canNOT masturbate. hah! TAKE THAT, JUNK FOOD! I think the only thing stronger than my love of crappy food is my libido, so… this will SO work!
If I don’t eat for the rest of today, I will give myself permission to go hog-wild! I’ll buy new batteries for my vibrator!
WOO! goodbye, junk food! Hello, perpetual bedhead!

because I ate a lot last night :\ well not an INCREDIBLE amount, and I didn’t surpass my calories on my Lose It app on my ipod, but that’s because I wore my calorie counter band at the mall and kept track of my “exercising” and burned 264 calories. ;D Mostly it was because I had pumpkin seeds at lunch (187) along with Amy’s Low Sodium Lasagna (290), and ALSO had sun chips (140)... AND I had grilled cheese for dinner (425?). And I had Ultra Weight Loss Shake (170) for breakfast. poo. Total: 1,218. :\ almost went to the movies but then realized a.) I was tired and b.) I only wanted to go so I could have popcorn, so I just went to bed instead.
So far today (not off to a good start…) I had Kashi Go Lean, about 185 calories, but it’s really good fer you and if I don’t have that cereal occasionally I don’t get the RDA of fiber. And then I had baked cheetos (120). hey, they were baked! ... meh. And I forsook my goal of no soda for a month (!!! oops!!!) and had a can of diet coke. :[ so far I’m at 305 and it’s only 10:30 a.m.! Actually I didn’t finish all that Kashi so maybe I’m more like 200 and something.

MINI GOAL: Eat HEALTHY for the rest of today. Oh man I’m havin’ pasta fer lunch.. :[ whyy world must I go to this delicious restaurant with my boyfriend today?? oh yeah I remember why… it’s cuz I suggested it ;) plus it comes with salad so… !! I’ll just pack up half of it (even though last time I had it it really wasn’t that much food.)
Other mini goal: don’t overdo it this weekend!! heck I’ll make this a Real Goal.

YES! idk how this happens- I won’t budge a pound for two weeks, and then voila, I am 155.2 pounds! This is classic high school weight, people. Ok, I was fat in high school. Whatever. Still! This means I am only 10 pounds overweight. Once I lose 5.2 pounds more, I will only be 5 pounds overweight—AND I’ll get rid of this old goal! hah! I can’t wait to wear my old pants- the size 6 ones- and to then move down from there. I can’t wait to not be fat!
HAH! Then I’ll show everyone! I’ve got my naturally good-looking face. Even my body right now is well-proportioned, and my waist curves inward in a flattering manner. My stomach isn’t all lumpy and roll-infested like some fat people’s. So imagine how great I’ll look- I remember how great I looked when I was 140, and I totally knew ittttt… people hitting on me, suddenly I looked soo good in photos, etc.
Imagine how great that’ll be once I’m 130. By that point maybe my boobs will shrink to a B or C cup, ahh and then I could wear button-ups that fit right!!! That’s 25 pounds away… urghhh… but hey, I lost 12.5 pounds already, so if I just do what I’ve done twice more, voila!!!

I hate my boyfriend for being so over-privileged. is this wrong?

just 6.5 to go…

My methods:
eat every other day
chew gum
occasionally exercise

it tells me my body fat percentage, bone density, etc. And it tells me that my other scale is a little generous and rounds down. I have a LOT of body fat. Almost obese-level: 31%. D: idk… if I can lose fifteen pounds, maybe it’ll change.
And this morning, I was (according to fancy scale!) 157! so that’s .5 pounds down! woo. One more pound and I can cross that “lose five pounds” goal off. Two more pounds and I’m my standard high school weight (ick.) Fifty more pounds and I’m 0% body fat, a girl comprised solely of lean body mass. 150 more pounds and I’m the weight of your standard-issue chihuahua.

In other news, day 2 of my liquid fast is going well. After 6 I can eat. Although I kind of would rather not have anything for a few days. There really is something nice about not eating (although my definition of not eating is pretty lax- I had soup and a smoothie yesterday) and when you go on not eating, you feel like you never have to eat again, versus eating regularly, you feel like you always want to eat. I should probably be saying this under my other goal…

So I didn’t cheat after all! I was 157.5 again today and that was in the middle of the day! Yayyy.
Had today: turmeric and egg soup, odwalla berries gomega, and some seltzer. Looks like this two-day fast isn’t so hard after all!!