A Man Should Be Able To:
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo. Fill the frame.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn’t count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage. Width times length.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. 34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Just turn off the damned main.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman’s dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands. Steady, firm, pump, let go.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman’s neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.
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