Learn how to deal with stress

are not appropriate responses to stress. My counsellor has suggested (for the third week in a row) that I should walk in the evenings, that it will help me to relax which is what I need more than anything right now. If I am really serious about LEARNING, than I have to ACT once I have agreed to something. Nothing will change if I don’t ACT.

Really looks at me. Intently. While she is talking about lateness and non-performance and unprofessionalism. Even if she is talking about things I am NOT GUILTY OF. It freaks me out completely. She just caled the staff together for the usual lecture she gives us before she goes on vacation, and she looked at me THE WHOLE TIME. I actually moved but it didn’t help.

I had managed to suppress the enormaous guilt I carry, but now I feel completely overwhelmed and panicked.

My boss used to be a teacher, so she really knows how to work the accusing stare. I was always a good student, so it didn’t bother me if the teacher held my gaze when I was in class. She was hardly ever talking to me – it was those other losers who needed to worry! Now the shoe is on the other foot, and I am telling you, it is the most unsettling thing ever.

My counsellor says I am too anxious, and I need to relax, and breathe and focus. In that order. So I will give that a whirl now.

I carried home a lot of work which I simply could not do. I have tolearn to leave the office behind on Fridays, because taking home work takes an emotional toll on me, even (especially) if I can’t or don’t do it.

So here I am, same as I was on Friday, meeting at 3. I need to clear my head, work methodically, do one thing at a time and keep my head.

Deep breaths. Baby steps. Forgiveness. Gentle and kind words to myself.

I am capable and intelligent. The past is behind me. I can deal with consequences because sometimes the only way past is through. I can get through whatever the day holds for me because I am strong and resilient. I am strong and resilient. I am strong and resilient.

These make me feel better, but are followed by Hectic Sundays, which make me feel worse. I am still having trouble with the idea of balance. I can’t really spare an entire day, but I can’t make myself settle for less. This is not getting better, and everytime I even consider doing some work of any kind on a Saturday, the storm of resentment and rage that I feel makes it really hard to follow through.

I am a slave to my feelings, I have not accepted the need to exert control over myself.

However, there is an up side; at least I’m not forcing myself to do things I hate anymore. How things are now is less effective, but I certainly feel healthier and happier. I guess my emotions are legitimate; years of always feeling as though I had no right to decide for myself have left me with a lot of negative emotions associated with work, even at the office.

Turning my back on the thing that is stressful is really the only way I have to work through these situations. I need something else, less self-destructive.

I had my performance evaluation yesterday morning, and I spent an hour reviewing my reports and updating my goals. I felt so comfortable, I was actually able to be honest – and I was able to say good things about myself at the same time! I think I may be growing emotionally. Yeah, me!

I have been dealing with a stressful situation – my husband is away for the week. This usually makes me feel inadequate and depressed as a result, and this time is no different. I am barely getting myself and my son together for work and school in the morning, the house looks like muck monsters live there and I haven’t been sleeping – being childishly defiant.

I coped with a small crisis yesterday, but I am not satisfied with my handling of day-to-day matters.